Un-hopeless. Nope. Not a word. However, I think it's obvious what it mean. In life we have those times where it seems like whatever is going on we feel hopeless or we can't control what's going on around us. But when we think about it do we really ever control anything? On the surface, it may appear that we are in control. But what if our carefully laid plans all of a sudden take an unexpected turn. Do we feel hopeless? Is all lost because it didn't go the way we wanted? The answer is no. When … [Read more...]
Hitting “The Mark”
I went and visited a website of someone I knew in our grief group back in Chicago today. The reason I visited it was because on the old blogger site I had started this one on (which is technically still up and running, don’t ask me why, it does redirect people to here however :) ) I have this woman’s website listed under Blogs of Importance. Under the listing, it shows a title of the most recent blog post. This one was labeled, “Letting go.” I thought that meant she was letting go of her … [Read more...]
The Tears of Mother’s Day
I sit here in my comfy cozy recliner at about 1am. I sit here thinking about Mari and knowing that when I wake up in the morning it is Mother’s Day. I have dreaded it all week. All it does for me know is remind me that I am a mom without her child on this earth any longer. I feel childless. I dread going to church tomorrow morning because all they will do there is wish all the mother’s a Happy Mother’s Day. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think it is an important day. However, it will … [Read more...]
Winter
Winter has arrived bringing its fury; It’s cold, it’s wet the snow is our blanket Winter is so dreary, it brings about sadness; The sadness no one wants yet it comes any way Winter can be and almost always is depressing; It’s hard to get through when there are so many bleak days ahead Winter seems like it will never end; The days merge one into another Yet one day, the single piece of grass pops through; The green against the white is quite a sight to behold Spring … [Read more...]
“Out of these ashes beauty will rise”
Steven Curtis Chapman has a song that talks about “Out of these ashes beauty will rise.” The ashes represent the tragedy his family endured the day their daughter Maria died. The “beauty [that] will rise” is representative of God’s grace and love that even though something as terrible as losing a child, God is still there through it all. He is seeing you through. I can say I do love this song and the hope it brings. However, my life doesn’t seem to have found the Beauty of it all. I … [Read more...]
Harder to write these days…
These days it seems harder to write yet I miss Mari more and more. I have been having a really hard time as of late just really, desperately missing her wishing so badly that she was still here. Yet at the same time, if she was, I would be dreading the years to come as puberty would be approaching. To be a parent of a child with autism, it is like no other. A child with special needs is so different than parenting a child without. Your life is all consuming around this child. She was all … [Read more...]
Unfinished…
(I started to write this post one day but never finished it but thought I would just share the little bit written) Live can be such a mess. It never seems to just go swimmingly but has so many bumps and bruises along the course. Personally, I wish my life could be just a little bit easier sometimes but it never seems to be. … [Read more...]
Marriage
What do you do when you see something falling apart and you can’t seem to do anything about it? Do you do nothing? Do you try to fix it? If you try to fix it, how long should you go before you give up or do you give up at all? When is enough “enough”? There are so many things in this life that you either give up on so easily or we “try” to fix it but when it just gets too hard or takes too long we just stop. We give up. This is how many marriages fall apart today because, to put it … [Read more...]
Driving…
I sit here in our car driving. Today is December 29th. For most people it is just an average day. For some it even brings the special privilege of being their birthday. This day has always brought about special memories for us. However now it just brings sadness and tears to my eyes. Today Mari would have turned 11. I was getting so frustrated with drivers and yelling at them over stupid stuff. Then the tears just started to come down. I had to pull over with the ache that is there in … [Read more...]
A Day in the Life of a Grieving Mommy
She is just a simple mom who’s world was turned upside down in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Her world already had many obstacles and hardships to overcome. Some people said she was brave. Yet others would said how strong or patient she was. She could not imagine her world getting any harder than it already was. Yet God had different plans for her life. Plans she never thought possible. Plans that somehow seem cruel and how could God do this to anyone let alone this simple … [Read more...]
