Un-hopeless. Nope. Not a word. However, I think it’s obvious what it mean. In life we have those times where it seems like whatever is going on we feel hopeless or we can’t control what’s going on around us. But when we think about it do we really ever control anything?
On the surface, it may appear that we are in control. But what if our carefully laid plans all of a sudden take an unexpected turn. Do we feel hopeless? Is all lost because it didn’t go the way we wanted? The answer is no.
When my daughter contracted E. coli, I watched my own daughter, my flesh and blood, deteriorate in front of my eyes. I watched a little girl who was so full of life become weaker and weaker to the point she only slept. And then six days after the first sign, her getting diarrhea, my daughter disappeared forever. Talking about feeling hopeless. All I could do was watch. I would have given anything, even my own life in place of hers, to make her better. Yet, that wasn’t to be. All I could do and what I could control was prayer. I could pray that if it was God’s will for her to be healed that He would. I prayed this with all my heart. But God had different plans. He took her home on July 16, 2008. In the end I had not control and my hope had been dashed.
However, time has passed and I can look back at the terrible time, that tragedy, and see the blessings that have come out of it. Now I have a feeling of un-hoplessness, or more importantly I feel hope. I can see how that all important question so many people ask “If God is such a loving and caring God why does He let bad things happen?” It’s not that He’s the cause of them or that He lets them happen. It’s that He allows them to happen because of a plan that is so much bigger than the rest of us. I look at myself and see that I am only a small smidgen compared to it. Yet, I can see that while my daughter was on this earth how she was able to touch other people’s lives. And because of the tragedy I started to write. would I have if she hadn’t died? I don’t know. The thing is that I can’t change that she did and as a result I began to write and found something that I really love. I’m thankful for what I’ve found through it all and no more un-hopelessness.