I have to laugh. Mari would be the one where nothing would stop her from trying something new. However, most of us would think twice before doing so. Even then it could take us several more times and then we don't go through with it. There could be several reasons why. The bottom line is we stop to think about it. This is where Mari was on the more unique side because that's just it - she didn't think. She just did. Now I'm not saying this was always the smartest choice (hence dancing on the … [Read more...]
Memory, the good, the bad, and the bittersweet
Memory. What’s in a memory? For some it can make them relish in the excitement of looking back on a day that brought them great happiness such as the day someone gets married or the birth of a child. For others, it can make them cower to the horrific images they are left with over a terrible event. For others, their memories are neither good nor are they bad. They view themselves as having a boring life and not much to think back on. And then for some their memories are bittersweet as they … [Read more...]
The “Softening”
In a month, Mari will have been gone for four years. I have talked several times over the last four years in how the day she died is not an anniversary as this signifies happiness to me. My eighteen year wedding anniversary was this past February. That is a happy time. Mari’s death, anything but. However, I have come to call it the mark. When Mari died I became wrapped up in the utter sorrow and sadness of it all. My heart felt like it had been ripped open and a gaping would left in its … [Read more...]
Pursuing true happiness, I mean joy
When I look at those around us and the hustle and bustle that is constantly going on around us, it seems like everyone is in the pursuit of true happiness. Some think their pursuit of money will bring them their desired happiness. Yet, at the end of the day, it never brings anyone happiness. In fact, it only seems to make people more miserable and unhappy as the inanimate object of money can do nothing for them. Some think their pursuit of making and finding new friends will bring them … [Read more...]
Hitting “The Mark”
I went and visited a website of someone I knew in our grief group back in Chicago today. The reason I visited it was because on the old blogger site I had started this one on (which is technically still up and running, don’t ask me why, it does redirect people to here however :) ) I have this woman’s website listed under Blogs of Importance. Under the listing, it shows a title of the most recent blog post. This one was labeled, “Letting go.” I thought that meant she was letting go of her … [Read more...]
Happiness
I’m sometimes amazed at the power of God. He put writing into my life and has blessed me as a result. Something that started out as a way to deal with my grief and share those feelings with my friends and family so they knew where I was at has turned into so much more. I look at Mari’s death in a whole new light. It’ll be four years on July 16 (Really, four years already!). Through my grief journey I’ve been able to find something that brings me pure happiness. I’ve been able to meet new and … [Read more...]
Joy
Joy can mean so much to so many different people. For me I felt pure joy last night. I spent the day determined to write write write in the fictional book I am writing. I actually wrote 8,472 words and finished the first draft of my novel. Talk about exciting. I think back to how I began writing. It was to keep my friends and family abreast of what was happening to my little baby girl. I started a Care Page. Those first fifteen days of writing were while she was a live and the last day, the … [Read more...]
What do we have to be thankful for?
I know that this question is not normally asked at this time year. We always attribute it to Thanksgiving Day. But shouldn’t we always be asking ourselves this? For some it is really easy to answer. To those looking from the outside it looks like they have truly had a blessed life. A life filled with hope and happiness and no terrible tragedy to speak of. People who have died have done so because they have gotten older. But for so many this is not the case. I look at the tornadoes that … [Read more...]
A hole in your heart
When someone close to you dies it leaves a hole in your heart. What I tell people is that a hole was left by our daughter. As the years go by it will get smaller and smaller but it will never completely be filled again until we are in heaven seeing each other again someday. For me, I do not look at the hole as something God is supposed to fill. I think we all have little holes for different tragedies, no matter how big or small, that have happened in our lives. If the hole was to be filled by … [Read more...]
Changes in life…
First let me start off by saying long time no talk. I am sorry I have been gone for a while. A lot has happened in my life since the last time I posted anything on Mari’s website. I look back at the date of June 23 and it seems like a lifetime ago. On July 15 Keith and I headed to Chicago to be with Mari (so to speak) on her 3 year mark of being gone. July 16 was officially 3 years and we spent some time at her grave. It is hard to believe that 3 years have already come and gone but they … [Read more...]
