Memory. What’s in a memory? For some it can make them relish in the excitement of looking back on a day that brought them great happiness such as the day someone gets married or the birth of a child. For others, it can make them cower to the horrific images they are left with over a terrible event. For others, their memories are neither good nor are they bad. They view themselves as having a boring life and not much to think back on. And then for some their memories are bittersweet as they remember the one they loved and yet they are no longer here with them on this earth.
I have both the happy memories and the horrific memories. They are what have defined me as to who I am today. I would be a completely different person if not for the things that have happened in my past. And then I also have those bitter sweet memories. They are bittersweet because I think back on the life of my beautiful baby girl and no matter whether they are happy memories or nerve wracking memories, they are all beloved memories of my little angel now in heaven. Yet, that is all I have left now are those memories of her.
I will never get to create new memories as my life continues to move forward. I will always have the memories of what had been. I cherish those memories and I write about them as a way to help her memory continue to live in the hearts of others. By me continuing to talk about her, both the good and the bad, I am honoring her and the life she lived. Even now as I type this, it both puts a smile on my face as well as forming a tear in my eye.
I feel blessed that I was chosen to be Mari’s mom. Sometimes I wonder what God was doing when He chose me but then at the same time I know He knew what He was doing. Mari made me a better person. I am honored to have been her mom and so ever grateful and thankful that I do have the memories of her life and how I was so fortunate to have been a part of it.