Switchbacks up the mountain can mean so many things. I think life in general is a continue road we travel up and down mountain. Sometimes the mountain is more of an easy hill that we climb and where life seems to move forward at a nice pace. But then there are those times where the road going up the mountain is so narrow and steep we feel we might fall off the edge plummeting to the ground below. I know that first year after Mari died my life felt more like the later. It felt like at any time … [Read more...]
Special Unforgettable Moments
I think we all have those special unforgettable moments in our life. Some heartwarming that just make you smile while others are gut-wrenching heartache. We never know when those moments will happen but when they do you know it. For me one of those moments was the day I found out I was pregnant with Mari. Keith and I have infertility issues. After having many test done and procedures performed we were told that the only way we would be able to have children biologically is to have IVF … [Read more...]
Sitting here thinking
I sit here staring at my precious baby girl’s slide show on this very site. There are so many of her from all different ages. From when she had longer hair to when we finally cut it short so she’d quite using her hair as a chewing device. The little smile that stares back at you cuts right into my soul. It is something I miss all the time. I haven’t just looked at the pictures in a while and tonight I posted something on the site and then sat there staring at the slide show remember all the … [Read more...]
Starting to work on Mari’s book again
I think many of you know I had put off writing Mari's book for a little while but I may not have gone into why I did so. Through different writing forums I became apart of I found out the book I had completed would be a great one for family and friends as long as that is where it ended. But if I wanted it to be read by more than just people I knew then it needed to be done in a completely different way. One thing I kept being told is I needed to add fiction elements to her book. At first … [Read more...]
The “Softening”
In a month, Mari will have been gone for four years. I have talked several times over the last four years in how the day she died is not an anniversary as this signifies happiness to me. My eighteen year wedding anniversary was this past February. That is a happy time. Mari’s death, anything but. However, I have come to call it the mark. When Mari died I became wrapped up in the utter sorrow and sadness of it all. My heart felt like it had been ripped open and a gaping would left in its … [Read more...]
Being Thankful
You know the old saying, “God works in mysterious ways?” Well, I so believe that can happen in so many different ways. I think back on my writing journey and I’m amazed at where it has ended up. I first started looking at how to publish Mari’s book on March 5, 2011. I joined Createspace. It is a subsidiary of Amazon.com. It was really neat to be part of a community of writers for the first time in my life. For me, I had no interest whatsoever in fiction writing. All I was looking for was … [Read more...]
Needing prayer please
It has come to my attention by a close friend that I may need to rewrite some of what I wrote below. My husband is the love of my life and in no way do I want to shed him in a bad light. If I have done that I am truly sorry. I will put *** by the part where I have rewritten this post so you know where to start if you are looking for the update. Thank you. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ I am reaching out right now to all my … [Read more...]
Happiness
I’m sometimes amazed at the power of God. He put writing into my life and has blessed me as a result. Something that started out as a way to deal with my grief and share those feelings with my friends and family so they knew where I was at has turned into so much more. I look at Mari’s death in a whole new light. It’ll be four years on July 16 (Really, four years already!). Through my grief journey I’ve been able to find something that brings me pure happiness. I’ve been able to meet new and … [Read more...]
A hole in your heart
When someone close to you dies it leaves a hole in your heart. What I tell people is that a hole was left by our daughter. As the years go by it will get smaller and smaller but it will never completely be filled again until we are in heaven seeing each other again someday. For me, I do not look at the hole as something God is supposed to fill. I think we all have little holes for different tragedies, no matter how big or small, that have happened in our lives. If the hole was to be filled by … [Read more...]
What does the word “savior” mean to you?
The word “savior” can have so many meanings to so many different people. You can think of someone as their savior because this person saved him or her from a difficult or awkward situation. You thank them for being there when you needed them. When I think of savior I think of it in two different ways. One way is how many people were like our little saviors helping us through the difficult time of Mari being in the hospital or after she died. The other way, and the main way for me anyway, … [Read more...]
