What, you might ask, is a “Paperwork Junky?” Well, you might relate. It's those individuals who go out to check their mail, come back in the house and place it on the table (or where ever one might put their mail). It might get gone through right away or it might sit there and have other mail accumulate with it. If it gets gone through, the stuff that's obvious junk mail almost always gets thrown away. The other stuff more times than not will get put into a nice neat pile to get filed away for … [Read more...]
To Feel Lucky…
What happens after sixteen years of marriage? Is it still wedded bliss or is it a nightmare you can't wait to get out of? Well if you're lucky, it'll be as close to wedded bliss as the two of you can be. What I mean by wedded bliss is not that when you first start going out and everything feels so fresh and new and you just feel so owey goowey with each other or even that first year of marriage where you can tell the couple is newlyweds. I'm talking about how after sixteen years of marriage … [Read more...]
That Hideous Doctrine by John Thomas
I wanted to share this with everyone. It was given to me while my husband and I were taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University at our church over two years ago. I just recently found my copy of it and wanted to share it with all of you. From Moody Monthly/September 1985 That hideous doctrine of hell is fading. How often have you thought of it in the past month, for instance? Does it make a difference in your concern for others, in your witness? Is it a constant and proper … [Read more...]
Mari’s Hospital Story
I wanted to share with everyone what I've been working on. I think most of you already know that I've decided to write a book about Mari's life and for those of you who don't, now you do. I have the first two chapters complete so far and now I have the thirteenth complete. The thirteenth chapter in her book is going to be her hospital stay. What I've done is taken what I wrote in her CarePages while she was in the hospital and edited it. I now wanted to share the edited version with all … [Read more...]
HER FINAL DAY
It's a beautiful day by anyone’s account. The date is July 22, 2008. The sky is crystal clear and Caribbean blue. It's around eighty degrees and only getting hotter by the hour. A typical summer day in Chicago. The day has one vital flaw: It's the day I'll bury my one and only child. Her name is Mariana (Mar-ē-awe-na). She was eight-and-a-half years old when she left this earth on July 16. I guess if you're getting ready to permanently say good-bye to the one person who has completely occupied … [Read more...]
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is a day where families and loved ones come together to spend time with one another. It’s a day I don't look forward to. I used to love this time of year. When anyone first arrives, everyone wishes them a Happy Thanksgiving. Most are genuine while some it’s just what you are supposed to say this day. Like last year, I will nod my head in acknowledgement but I won’t say it back. I feel that saying “it” would be ingenue on my part and why say something you really don’t mean. Please … [Read more...]
Mariana: A Personality Exuded
Mariana is my eight-and-a-half-year-old little angel who may be as misunderstood as how her name is pronounced. Her name is not Mary-anne-a but instead Mari‑ē‑awe‑na. For short, everyone calls her Mari. She may have a shortened nickname, but she is anything but short on personality. She can walk into a room and bring life to a stagnant crowd. The energy she exudes brings those around her back to a child like state. I often say, “If we could bottle up all her energy we might be able to light … [Read more...]
Approaching 11 months…
We are now approaching eleven months that Mari's been gone. June 16 will be exactly eleven months. Whether we want it to or not, time just continues to carry on. I was going through this site a little while ago and realized that I'd not posted anything new since Mother's day. It's been hard this last month and I know as the day approaches the one year mark it'll continue to get harder. Then I was reading the comment that someone wrote anonymously. What the person said was basically that I … [Read more...]
Loneliness
Today is a day of utter loneliness. I can’t explain it. All I want to do is just sit here and cry. I'm at home all alone. I really don’t feel like talking to anyone, yet I wish someone was here. Keith is at work. Those that I do call are either not answering their phones or they're out and about running errands. I know it's not anyone’s job to keep me company or help me to feel better. I just wish I didn't feel so lonely. The loneliness goes clear to the very bottom of my heart, the depths of my … [Read more...]
Today is 8 months
It amazes me how one can mess up time when one does not want time to move forward anyways. Last month I thought Mari had been gone eight months. I even wrote about it. Then when it was getting closer to this month mark of her being gone, I started to think about it. There should only be three months until she has been gone for one year, but when I started to count there were 4 months. The math just did not add up. So last month she'd actually only been gone for seven months. Why does it feel … [Read more...]
