Catastrophe. That’s quite a word. It’s the epitomy of a word trying to describe the worst of a circumstance and even with this word it’s still not enough to truly explain the loss. Flood, almost 4 feet deep = Catastrophe. The catastrophic nature of what happened back on May 19 doesn’t begin to describe enough the significant loss Keith, Athena, me, and my mom went through. Athena literally no longer has a bedroom. Our house only has 3 bedrooms in it. Two on the main floor - Keith & I … [Read more...]
Knowing when a joke isn’t funny
I think back to the last time I wrote something on here and it was for Mari's 14th birthday back in December. In only two and a half short months my life permanently changed seven years ago. July will always hold a place in my life of sadness. However, at least I have hope because I know through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus that I will get to see her again one day. I feel blessed that I am a believer because then I know I will get to see her again once I join her in … [Read more...]
Day 130: Paying Attention #acfw #365days
When I write about Mari, I’m paying attention to my internal thoughts and feelings I have at the time. She will be at the forefront as I write out the words on the screen. For me, it’s knowing I’m being truthful about what I’m feeling at the time. It helps me to grieve for her and heal at the same time. Sometimes it’s when I’m feeling sad and really missing her. Other times it’s about the happy memories I have of her. I know all of this requires me to pay attention to my thoughts and feelings … [Read more...]
R is for Remember #atozchallenge
It's hard not to remember such a remarkable little girl as Mari. I know that I might be a tad bit biased, but I also know how this one little girl touched so many people's lives in ways I never could have imagined. In the two weeks prior to Mari contracting E. coli, she was in a special summer school program as well as a camp for special needs children. She went to summer school Monday through Thursday until around 1pm and then a bus picked her up and took her to camp. On Friday's she got to go … [Read more...]
P is for Potty Time
It brings a smile to my face when I think of Mari and potty time. I know that may sound weird but it's because of what the words 'potty time' actually signified for my little girl. Mari used the words 'potty time' more as a way of getting what she wanted or getting out of something she no longer wanted to do. Whether it was doing an activity she was tired of doing or if she simply wanted to get out of her room because she wanted to do something else. She'd say, "Let's go potty" as a way of … [Read more...]
D is for Determined
Mari was one of the most determined people I knew. While she may have had autism it didn't ever stop her when she wanted to do something. The only problem with that is her safety awareness, while she was 8 years old, was that of about a toddler. When she wanted to do something, it was amazing to see how she tried to accomplish it, of course, almost always after the fact is when I'd find out what her little determined mind decided she was going to do. One of the memories, that now brings a … [Read more...]
Day 96: The Things We Keep
In life, as each day goes by, we create memories. For the most part, most of those memories aren't that important so we forget about them. But the important ones sometimes feel like they embed themselves into our brains. When my daughter died I knew I couldn't go back and live in the house where all I had surrounding me were memories of her. Pictures on the wall. Her sippy cups. Her food. Her bedroom. I was a stay at home mom of a child with severe autism whose life completely revolved around … [Read more...]
Day 69: Your Naked Prose
I want to share with you something the author wrote: "Writing is so intensely personal — our thoughts, emotions, memories, imagination, fantasies right out there under the spotlight — that it really is a striptease act. So it’s natural to panic if someone doesn’t think your naked prose is perfect. Hopefully when you get feedback, you can use it to make your work better. But if someone gives self-serving, snarky comments in a workshop or writing group to build up his or her own ego, leave at the … [Read more...]
Day 33: Diving, Not Drowning
When I went to go read today excerpt, this was the first line: "The fear of going back into your past — reliving trauma or grief — sometimes can block writing about the most important part of your story." This struck me to the core. I have so many things in my past, the good, the ugly and the tragic. All of which have shaped and molded me into the person I am today. The unfortunate part to all of this is there has been those very ugly things that no one ever wants to have happen to themselves … [Read more...]
Day 28: In the Company of Animals
Our pets are more than just animals. They're our family. We treat them as one of our kids. We worry for them if they become sick. We grieve for them if they die. For someone who might live by them self, a dog or a cat or even both for that matter, can give them the peace of mind and comfort they seek. Looking back to the time right after Mari died, I knew I couldn't go and live back in the same house we'd been living in. Keith didn't understand it. We'd only lived there for six months since … [Read more...]
