I wonder how many closet writers there are because they are scared to get out of their comfort zone, daring to tell what's rolling around in their brains. Fear can be a great force within ourselves. It can stop us from doing so many things, things even God may want us to do. We have to remember that God will give us the strength we need to do things according to His plan. In our own human form we are weak and vulnerable. It is through God that He gives an invisible shield of … [Read more...]
Day 4: Choosing Story Over Relatives
Today's topic sounds strange to me. It almost sounds selfish. I think this strikes me funny because I think family is the most important thing there is. Some people haven't been blessed with a loving and caring family. So to put a story before their family is a no brainer. However, if your family is close, turning your story over them may make you take pause. I know I would never write something to intentionally hurt my family. No matter how screwdriver up we all are they are still MY … [Read more...]
Timing…
Time. It's a strange thing. Sometimes it seems as though time goes on forever and in others it feels like there is never enough. For me recently, it seems like time is just slipping away. We now have less than three months until our official move to Alaska starts. The Army will come to pack up our home (tentatively) April 15. Keith's final day of clearing will be on April 19. And then we start on our long adventure as we drive across the United States, stopping along the way to either visit … [Read more...]
The “Softening”
In a month, Mari will have been gone for four years. I have talked several times over the last four years in how the day she died is not an anniversary as this signifies happiness to me. My eighteen year wedding anniversary was this past February. That is a happy time. Mari’s death, anything but. However, I have come to call it the mark. When Mari died I became wrapped up in the utter sorrow and sadness of it all. My heart felt like it had been ripped open and a gaping would left in its … [Read more...]
Hitting “The Mark”
I went and visited a website of someone I knew in our grief group back in Chicago today. The reason I visited it was because on the old blogger site I had started this one on (which is technically still up and running, don’t ask me why, it does redirect people to here however :) ) I have this woman’s website listed under Blogs of Importance. Under the listing, it shows a title of the most recent blog post. This one was labeled, “Letting go.” I thought that meant she was letting go of her … [Read more...]
Happiness
I’m sometimes amazed at the power of God. He put writing into my life and has blessed me as a result. Something that started out as a way to deal with my grief and share those feelings with my friends and family so they knew where I was at has turned into so much more. I look at Mari’s death in a whole new light. It’ll be four years on July 16 (Really, four years already!). Through my grief journey I’ve been able to find something that brings me pure happiness. I’ve been able to meet new and … [Read more...]
What does the word “savior” mean to you?
The word “savior” can have so many meanings to so many different people. You can think of someone as their savior because this person saved him or her from a difficult or awkward situation. You thank them for being there when you needed them. When I think of savior I think of it in two different ways. One way is how many people were like our little saviors helping us through the difficult time of Mari being in the hospital or after she died. The other way, and the main way for me anyway, … [Read more...]
The Tears of Mother’s Day
I sit here in my comfy cozy recliner at about 1am. I sit here thinking about Mari and knowing that when I wake up in the morning it is Mother’s Day. I have dreaded it all week. All it does for me know is remind me that I am a mom without her child on this earth any longer. I feel childless. I dread going to church tomorrow morning because all they will do there is wish all the mother’s a Happy Mother’s Day. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think it is an important day. However, it will … [Read more...]
Missing Her…
I sit here thinking about my beloved angel today and how much she is missed. I was looking at one of her pictures up on the wall and at how truly beautiful she was at just 5. Then I started to look at some of her other pictures. This got me to thinking about what she would have looked like once she was an adult. I think she would have been one of those adults that when people looked at her they would have thought she had such natural beauty. Unfortunately, we will never get to know. All we … [Read more...]
Winter
Winter has arrived bringing its fury; It’s cold, it’s wet the snow is our blanket Winter is so dreary, it brings about sadness; The sadness no one wants yet it comes any way Winter can be and almost always is depressing; It’s hard to get through when there are so many bleak days ahead Winter seems like it will never end; The days merge one into another Yet one day, the single piece of grass pops through; The green against the white is quite a sight to behold Spring … [Read more...]
