These days it seems harder to write yet I miss Mari more and more. I have been having a really hard time as of late just really, desperately missing her wishing so badly that she was still here. Yet at the same time, if she was, I would be dreading the years to come as puberty would be approaching. To be a parent of a child with autism, it is like no other. A child with special needs is so different than parenting a child without. Your life is all consuming around this child. She was all … [Read more...]
Unfinished…
(I started to write this post one day but never finished it but thought I would just share the little bit written) Live can be such a mess. It never seems to just go swimmingly but has so many bumps and bruises along the course. Personally, I wish my life could be just a little bit easier sometimes but it never seems to be. … [Read more...]
Marriage
What do you do when you see something falling apart and you can’t seem to do anything about it? Do you do nothing? Do you try to fix it? If you try to fix it, how long should you go before you give up or do you give up at all? When is enough “enough”? There are so many things in this life that you either give up on so easily or we “try” to fix it but when it just gets too hard or takes too long we just stop. We give up. This is how many marriages fall apart today because, to put it … [Read more...]
Unchoices
When life gets hard, what should you do? Everyone is different and everyone handles their problems in different ways. For the most part, our lives involve different paths and the choices we make to get there. Some choices come by easily and others are difficult to almost impossible to have to make. And then there are the things that happen in our lives that can be called the unchoices. So what exactly is an unchoice you might be asking? Well, this is when something either happens to you … [Read more...]
Driving…
I sit here in our car driving. Today is December 29th. For most people it is just an average day. For some it even brings the special privilege of being their birthday. This day has always brought about special memories for us. However now it just brings sadness and tears to my eyes. Today Mari would have turned 11. I was getting so frustrated with drivers and yelling at them over stupid stuff. Then the tears just started to come down. I had to pull over with the ache that is there in … [Read more...]
A Day in the Life of a Grieving Mommy
She is just a simple mom who’s world was turned upside down in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Her world already had many obstacles and hardships to overcome. Some people said she was brave. Yet others would said how strong or patient she was. She could not imagine her world getting any harder than it already was. Yet God had different plans for her life. Plans she never thought possible. Plans that somehow seem cruel and how could God do this to anyone let alone this simple … [Read more...]
Facebook…
I sit here at 5:16 in the morning playing a game on Facebook. It is a game I have truly come to love to play. I play it on a daily basis. I introduced it to Keith and he plays it right along with me. It is nice to have something we both love playing together. Since I have started playing the game, I have not written anything. I sometimes feel like I am letting me or others down but it has been nice to just not have to think about things all the time. A little over 3 weeks ago I went in … [Read more...]
Sitting here thinking…
I sit here thinking about Mari. I think I always think about her just sometimes more than others. But right now I am really missing her. I was talking to my dad a couple of days ago. His cell decided to call me out of the blue. When I answered all you could hear in the background was rustling around. So you knew right then that he did not call and the cell phone had a mind of its own. So I called him back just in case. He said that he must of accidently pushed the speed dial button … [Read more...]
Tangible Things
The only thing tangible left are pictures (and a couple of videos) taken of Mari from the time she was born until the day she died (literally). We have them of her while she was in the hospital when she was first born and we have them of her in the hospital when she was dying. It’s almost like it represents the cycle of life everyone goes through. We all are born and we all must die someday when our time is up on this earth. But with Mari, her time just seemed so short. It seems like that … [Read more...]
July Sucks!
You might be asking, "But why does July suck?" I mean, after all, July has so many good things about it right? Like the 4th of July and celebrating our nation's birthday. The fireworks you can either do together with family, friends and acquaintances or to go see one of those big fireworks shows that the cities or military installations put on for us. It's summertime. It's warm. People are going on vacations. Everyone seems to be having fun (or at least trying to ;;) ). There are places to go … [Read more...]
