Joy can mean so much to so many different people. For me I felt pure joy last night. I spent the day determined to write write write in the fictional book I am writing. I actually wrote 8,472 words and finished the first draft of my novel. Talk about exciting.
I think back to how I began writing. It was to keep my friends and family abreast of what was happening to my little baby girl. I started a Care Page. Those first fifteen days of writing were while she was a live and the last day, the day she died, was written within a few days of her passing. It took me three days to write with tears pouring out of my eyes. I can remember my husband Keith telling me to stop and come back later to finish it. I told him no. The memories were still fresh in my mind. It was important for me to remember as much as I could. Memories fade slowly but surely after time. I needed to get them all written down before I forgot something.
At the time my writing did not bring me pure joy and happiness. It brought about heartache, sadness and despair. I was able to use my writing as a tool. It helped me in a time in my life when most other things couldn’t. My writing helped me with my grief. I was able to hash out so much through it.
As a result, my writing has slowly transformed. I started my first ever attempt at something completely 100% fiction. It all came from my lil’ ol’ head. Amazing. I never in a million years thought I could do something like this.
Now my writing brings me pure joy. God has given me a gift. I keep being told by those who are critiquing my work that I am writing about a hard subject. For me it is not as hard. I can tap into those emotions of losing Mari and use them in my writing. I can show the reader feelings they may never understand.
So for me, I have found joy in writing. I have found something that makes me happy. And the kewl part is I get to share it with you.
Your subject is indeed difficult to write about. Long may your Joy continue as you write to help others with their loss.
Biiiig hug
Jack, thank you for your kind words.
From despair comes joy. That’s happened to many people. It’s almost like God knows what’s He’s doing, eh? I wonder if we’d recognize the joys without the sorrows? If we’d recognize Christ without our need for Him? Deep stuff for a Monday morning.
Pegg, you are so right. Looking back there is no way I would have ever been able to see anything coming out of my daughter’s death as joy. Far from it. However, God is showing me His plan and not my own. His plan was to take my precious little angel to be home with Him. It was her time. Yes I’m sad and yes I still cry but I’m okay. As a result I have this precious gift from God that I am so very thankful for. Thank you for your beautiful words.
I lost my son the end of February and have put my fiction writing aside to write a memoir of sorts about him. I feel the same way you describe. I feel I must write it now but oh how painful that can be. Friends tell me, “its OK, you don’t have to do it now. Give it time.” Yes, I do have to do it now. It is part of the healing process. I can feel my heart begin to heal as the words slowly and painfully transfer from there to the screen. Blessings to you. May you continue to find the joy in your work and spread it to others as you write.
Cindy, my heart goes out to you. You have joined a club that every person who joins does so kicking an screaming. This club is only for those of us who have had the unfortunate experience of losing a child. You are forever changed as a result. I smiled when I read, “its OK, you don’t have to do it now. Give it time.” All too often that happened to me. People really don’t understand that you have to write right away. You just have to. It is innate within you to get it out. Maybe it is God’s way of pushing you to do what He knows is best for you. As you said, it is a way to help you heal. I know how much it did for me. I am sure it is and will continue to do the same thing for you. If you ever need to talk, send me an email. I promise to get back to you.
God so often uses our pain for His purpose and glory.
And He does it in such a way that it usually is for our good, too.
Obviously that’s what’s going on with your writing. So glad to know that you’re using His gift as intended.
Carol, thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot.
You wrote, “Now my writing brings me pure joy. God has given me a gift.”
God is good beyond imagination! Only our Awesome God has the skill (and desire) to transform the painful grit of tragedy into pearls of joy. May He continue to bless this joyful gift He has given you.
Thank you Sandi. You are so right about God being good past anything our own imaginations could comprehend.
A Bitter-Sweet post as memories of those we loved and lost always are. Our April died at 61 days. I’m currently reading Karen Santorum’s lovely book Letters to Gabriel. Peace and Blessings
I’ve never heard of the book Letters to Gabriel. I will have to check it out. A book I highly recommend reading is “I Will Carry You” by Angie Smith.
For me, writing is one of the most cathartic things I can do. Whether I am angry, depressed, joyful or reflective,writing is an outlet for my feelings. It can bring clarity of thought, healing, and restoration.
Tracy, you are oh so right. I know I have written in a diary since I was a little girl. I received my first one from my grandmother. I have times that I write in it all the time and then I can go months, sometimes years without feeling the need to write in one. I went out and purchased one within two weeks of Mari dying. I could blubber on and be very redunant but it felt good to just get it out.
Each time I go through a trial I try to learn from it so in turn I can help others who go through similar events. I hope that you can do that for others as well.
Chris, I hope so too. I also hope that my writing can continue to somehow touch people’s lives in a positive manner and that my words may help in some way.
This is a very powerful post. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Thank you Mike for your kind words. They mean a lot. And thank you for taking the time to read it.
I, too, have lost children. It’s not an easy road. But I also know that some of our best writing comes when we pull from that pain.
May God continue to bless the work of your hands.
Deborah, you are so right. I know a lot of my writing is coming from the grief I would otherwise not understand and implement it into my fiction writing.
It is wonderful that God is using you to help others through your writing in this way. It constantly astounds me the way that God can use the most heartbreaking experiences in life and bring good out of them – even provide joy.
Oh, and congratulations on finishing your first draft – what a great feeling!
Adam, thank you for your kind words. I agree, it is amazing how God does this. In the moment you are like “WHY!!!” but then as time begins to go by and you are further away from the hurt and pain of it all you can start to see better what God has planned in your life. It brings you a sense of comfort.
Having just lost my grandmother, I can relate to this post much more than I probably would if I had read it when you published it. I used the poetry I was writing for NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) to help process what I was feeling as we watched her slip into eternity over the course of three weeks. Writing is definitely a gift from God – writers get to express deep emotions in safe ways, in ways that can benefit them and bless others.
May God continue to bless you and others with and through your writing.
Traci, thank you for your kind comments. I agree 100% how God has given us a special gift of being able to write.