I am sure you all can imagine that Mari is never really far from my mind. Today is no different.
Most of you know by now that I have started working out again. I set my alarm for 5am this morning (yeah, that is the correct time) so I could be to the gym by 6:30am for my very first personal training session. My personal trainer is Jennifer. Man she kicked my booty this morning. So much so that she cut our session 7 minutes early as my body was completely worn out (man am I out of shape).
I was so sore after our session this morning. I then headed over to Wal-Mart and I pick up a heart beat session. It is one that is both a wrist watch type along with having a chest strap. It is pretty neat.
I was home by around 9am this morning. Keith was still in bed so I decided to go back to bed for a little while as I was completely worn out.
Later this afternoon around 5pm we went back to the gym. Keith had not worked out yet today so he needed to get his in too. Because my thighs were so tight from this morning’s workout I decided to get on the elliptical to see if it will help me with the soreness I was feeling.
The first few minutes I was not sure if I was going to be able to finish or not. But I stuck with it.
I have an iPhone and I have a lot of my music on the iPod on my phone. I put a playlist on when I started and just listened to the music as I was striding along.
Well, a song came on and I was really listening to the words. You know what I mean. It is not like you don’t know the song and you have probably listened to the song a hundred times or more but this time I was really listening to the words. The song I was listening too was Steven Curtis Chapman’s song called “Beauty Will Rise.” It really made me stop and think about my beloved Mari as this man truly knows what it is like to lose your own precious child as his own beloved Maria passed away only a month and a half before Mari on May 21, 2008.
It is amazing at how quickly one’s life can change. In just an instant Steven’s life changed just as mine did within two weeks and two days.
This is a man whom I have admired for quite some time for the beautiful music he has put out since I was in high school. It has such meaning behind each and every song he has written.
His last album is basically a compilation of song either about his beautiful little angel now in heaven or how he has gotten through this terrible time. Unfortunately I can say I know how it feels and what has been going through these last two years. (It amazes me how it has already almost been two years since Mari left this earth for heaven.)
Going back to the song I was talking about earlier, “Beauty Will Rise,” as this song is so beautiful and truly helps you to understand why the sadness and loss can hit you at the strangest times, I want to share the lyrics to this beautiful song with you:
It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed till my voice was gone
And watched through the tears as everything came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
And sift through the ashes that are left behind
But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams we have this hope
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning
Beauty will rise
So take another breath for now
And let the tears come washing down
And if you can’t believe, I will believe for you
Cause I have seen the signs of spring
Just watch and see
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning
I can hear it in the distance
And it’s not too far away
It’s the music and the laughter
Of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
Reaching for my face to wipe the tears away
You say it’s time to make everything new
Make it all new
This is our hope
This is a promise
This is our hope
This is a promise
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that’s been made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that He’s made
Out of the ashes, out of the ashes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of this darkness
New light will shine
And we’ll know the joy that’s coming in the morning, in the morning
Beauty will rise
Beauty will rise
Beauty will rise
Beauty will rise
Beauty will rise
Words & music by Steven Curtis Chapman
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Pauslea, I am so glad you accidently found my site. Thank you for follow us.
This post is the first post I’ve read looking for other blogs like mine- real mom sharing in the real pain of the loss of their child. We lost our daughter almost 19 months ago and it’s been so very difficult. I too have found great meaning in the words of different songs from Steven Curtis Chapman’s new CD. The song you speak of here is the basis of the name of my own blog “out of these ashes, BEAUTY WILL RISE.” And I too have had a similar moment listening to my ipod on an elliptical at the gym. It means so much to find this common thread in your post here. Thank-you for sharing. I will pray for you tonight.
Thank you for your touching comment. It is hard to go through what we have gone through but it feels reassuring to know someone else understands
I am so sorry to hear about the tragedy of your child. But the love that you have for it is so inspiring. And one of these days we will be reaching back out to our loved ones from the past
Thank you Rodney for this kind comment. It means the world to me.