I was walking on my treadmill this morning like I do almost on a daily basis as I try to strengthen my hip. I had been reading a book by Lynette Bonner when my mother-in-law called. She just called to chat. My cell phone sat on the treadmill in front of me.
I have the Fox News App on my iPhone. About an hour and ten minutes into talking to Mom and walking I get a news alert stating this: “BREAKING NEWS: Reports of Multiple Fatalities at Conn. Elementary School.” I told mom that there has been a school shooting. So I open my phone, went into the Fox News App and this is what it said as I also read it out loud Mom, “Multiple deaths reported in shooting at Connecticut elementary school.”
I continue to read the news alert and about halfway through the tears start to roll down my face and I get extremely choked up to the point I have to quit talking for a moment. Even as I type this right now tears are streaming down my face.
When it said the shooting was at an elementary school you figure children are involved but you don’t know how old the children are. Mom turns on the news and I hear it through her phone. After a few minutes I turn on Fox News Channel.
Then I hear that there were 18 innocent children shot and it is suspected that they are all kindergarteners. Think about five and six-year-old children have all had their lives cut short by a mad man.
And then I think of Mari. No, Mari didn’t die from a psychotic person. She died because she unfortunately contracted E. coli. Of all things, a severe bacterial infection took her life.
The unfortunate reality is that now all the parents of the children who were lost today now have a long grief journey before them. The road I’ve been down on since July 16, 2008.
Just like 4th of July will forever be changed for me, Christmas will be forever changed for each one of them. The beautiful bright shining faces of their little ones was taken much earlier than anyone could have imagined.
And then I think of God and His all-encompassing plan. Our Father in heaven knows everyone one of those children. I truly feel everyone one of those children are now in heaven with Mari. Maybe Mari was waiting there to welcome each one to their eternal home. Mari special spirit and uplifting smile could bring a smile to anyone’s face.
I sit here typing this and listening to Fox News Channel in the background. The information keeps changing and no one really knows much about anything. The story seems to change every minutes that goes by. I just keep thinking of the moms and dads who will go home tonight not understanding how their lives have been forever changed. They probably will never fully understand it. I know I still don’t.
Yes, I’ve been able to look at the many blessing God has given or put into my life. He’s given me the gift of writing and we are now raising our niece and nephew. But that doesn’t mean I understand why Mari died when she did. All I have to lean on is my Faith in God and his knowledge of all things. I just have to trust He knows what He’s doing. My strength is in Him. He gave me the strength to keep living each and every day for my little girl.
People have said to me time and time again how strong they feel I am but I don’t see it. I’m not that strong. What makes me strong is God. I’d be a puddle without him.
Please pray for all these families that have been touched by this unthinkable tragedy. For the ones who’ve lost a child and also those who have been personally touch by this like the children who actually went to school with these children and their parents.
Kristena, we all join you in praying and grieving for those parents, but only another parent like yourself who has lost a child can truly understand. May God comfort the parents, other loved ones, friends, and teachers who try to make it through this tragedy.
You are so right in that we all just need to pray. I know God is what got me through and if they just lean on Him, He will give them the strength to get through this unthinkable time.
Thank you for sharing, Kristena. A tragic day, indeed.
Marie, yes it is. Thank you for stopping to read what I wrote.
This is so sad for so many. Praying for all involved and hugging my grandchildren. Kristina, thank you for reaching out and sharing Mari’s story. You are right, God is the one who holds me together, too. God bless you as you write for him.
Thank you Penny. I feel so grateful and thankful for all of God’s people and how we all lift each other up. I hope and pray for each one of the parents who lost a child yesterday that they will lean on God and His strength as He is the one who will be able to lift them up and get them through this unbelievable time.
Mine were miscarriages after years of infertility, and the one I have has lived under a threat of cancer from birth, (so far, so good), so I think about it a lot, but still, I cannot imagine living through it as you have, Kristena.
The one good thing that came from all the loss was just as you said, the certainty that God is the one that carries me. Before that, I’d WANTED that to be true, but wasn’t so sure. A pretty resilient person, so maybe it’s me… That’s how most people live their faith, untested really, by something so irrevocable, so random and for which they’ve nothing to contribute to the problem. You KNOW how solidly you are held in God’s hand, because you’ve been through the crucible and remained with Him, and while you mourn and may question why, you never question your faith anymore. A hard won “gift” but rare and precious.
God bless and keep you Kristena, make His face to shine upon you and grant to you Peace beyond understanding, always.
Karen, what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your kind words. And what you write is so true. It is through Christ I am where I am today. I had the strength of our Heavenly Father each day after my daughter went to be with the Lord, during her sixteen days in the hospital and all the times before and after. God is wonderful in how he takes care of His people. No, it may not always make sense to so many of us but that’s okay. That’s where there is faith to just know He is taking care of us in our worst.