I sit here in my comfy cozy recliner at about 1am. I sit here thinking about Mari and knowing that when I wake up in the morning it is Mother’s Day. I have dreaded it all week. All it does for me know is remind me that I am a mom without her child on this earth any longer. I feel childless.
I dread going to church tomorrow morning because all they will do there is wish all the mother’s a Happy Mother’s Day. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think it is an important day. However, it will never be the same for me. It is just a constant reminder that while I am a mother I am one that remembers her child for who she was but now is in heaven.
I just feel like crying. I have done pretty good so far with the tear and I have not had a sob fest in a while. I think the last time I sobbingly cried was at the women’s retreat I went to in March. I know when I cry it helps to temporarily release some of the sadness.
After a good cry, I can quickly clean my face up and you can’t really tell I had been crying. I guess I am fortunate that way as I know many women if they shed any tears at all their faces looks like they have for quite some time. In a way I feel blessed I have it this way so that I can cry in private and once I am done not have everyone asking me if I am ok.
Kristena,
After reading your request for help with the book’s title, a thought immediately popped into my head and now I can’t shake it.
Do with it what you like, but here it is:
Gazing Down From Above
Even though I am sure tomorrow will be a difficult day, always remember that even though Mari is not with you physically any more, you will always be her mom…so with that said, Happy Mother’s Day.
Deb
(P.S. We miss you on the team)
Thank you so much Deb for your kind thoughts. I miss every too.
Hi again – I was here a few minutes ago and wanted to share that many years ago, the first Mother’s Day after Paul died, I got up early to spend some time alone and the song that played on the radio was “Because He Lives” by Bill Gaither. “How sweet to hold a newborn baby, to feel the pride and joy he gives, but greater still the calm assurance this child can face uncertain days, because Christ lives. Because He lives I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, my fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives!” The triumph of that song helped me face that Mother’s Day and many since then. Mari has achieved the healing that will come to those of us who are trusting Him. That does not stop our pain now, but gives us a hope! My daughters have a similar pain to yours on Mother’s Day and have shared with me how hard it is to be in church on Mother’s Day when they would love to do nothing else than to be mothers too. But that is not where God has led them. I pray for them and I pray for you – continuing to pray because pain continues! Thanks for the reminder that you have these days. Sylvia
Thank you for this.