Everyone talks about how the holidays are so hard that first year. I can honestly say that you just do not even look forward to them what so ever.

Thanksgiving is literally right around the corner; only three days away. When I think of Thanksgiving I always think about how you are supposed to be thankful for what has happened in your life in the last year.

I am sure there are things that I should be thankful for in the last year but they are so overshadowed by the obvious. How can I be thankful for anything when I have lost my beautiful little angel? It is hard for me to even say “I am thankful for ….” I just don’t feel very thankful. I mean, let me explain. I am grateful that I have Keith. He is my love. He is my life. He is the love of my life. He is my stability. He is the one that is there for me no matter what happens in this life. He loves me no matter what.

I know I am grateful that both of our families are there for us. We have friends that are there for us. Keith’s Army family is there for us. They are working with Keith and being very understanding through everything. They are being patient with him as he is struggling through this oh so difficult time.

To say that I am thankful though, I just can’t. To me being grateful is just not the same thing. So I do not look forward to Thanksgiving this year as Mari is not here. She is missing from our family.

I can remember her from just last year to where she would not eat anything from Thanksgiving dinner. We had to feed her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich which was a daily feeding for her. I don’t think there were too many days that went by without her having at least one PB&J sandwich. It was a staple for her. There will be no PB&J served this year at Thanksgiving dinner. Just the usual. I will miss this so much. Something that used to drive me nuts because she literally had less than 10 items she would eat and yet I miss it so much now.

I think ultimately everything that I used to take for granted and would have been thankful for now if Mari could have stayed alive is now all replaced by how much I miss her and the things we used to do and give her. So now I am not thankful very often. However, I can be grateful for certain things.