As I sit here and look outside my upstairs window, the landscape is blanketed in a snowy winter wonderland. While we slept last night, snow fell, leaving about 3 inches on the ground. The trees are covered in the beautiful purity the snow brings. It’s December 1. Christmas is only days away now and we are in full-fledged shopping mode to get all the gifts for the ones we love. As this time of year always comes around, Mari is never too far from my mom. She never far from my thoughts, but, … [Read more...]
Day 151: Walking Away
In life sometimes there are things we want to do so bad, and then we start to do them only to find that about two-thirds to three-fourths of the way through what we are doing isn't anything like we'd thought it'd be. As a result, we realize we need to stop without finishing. Has this ever happened to you before in your life? It has with me, only I realized this when I had completed the full first draft of Mari's book. The book I'd written was a complete biography of Mari's life as well as some … [Read more...]
Easing the Pain of Someone Else
Have you ever thought about what your actions or words might do for someone, especially if they are going through something? For me, I've always tried to do what I can to help someone else if possible. We all have our hard times we go through and it's nice to know someone else cares. When Mari was in the hospital, as you can probably imagine, there were lots of tears and heavy hearts with each passing day as we watch our beloved, beautiful daughter slipping before our very eyes. It happened so … [Read more...]
Day 138: Writer Panic Attacks
When something hits me and I have to write it down, I don't know that I'd called it a panic attack in the sense that I'm hyperventilating and having a hard time with things around me. It's more that in that moment, whatever feelings I have floating around inside me are like they are begging me to get them written down. That first year after Mari died, I had a lot of those moments. My grief could consume me and they fought to come out through the words I typed out into my computer or my journal. … [Read more...]
Helping Others
When you help someone else how does that make you feel? For me, I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. It lets me know I'm doing the right thing. If I were to do something for only self-satisfying reason, there isn't that good feeling that comes with it. You feel kind of icky after it's all said and done and you've had time to think about it. I always think back to Mari and her time in the hospital. On the day the "Doom and Gloom Squad" sat us down one final time to tell us that our beautiful … [Read more...]
Moments Where Prayer Is Needed
In life we have so many different types of moments that forever touch us in some way. Some are those happy moments that you remember with a smile on your face. And then there are those that when you look back bring tears to your eyes. You couldn't stop the tears if you tried. I have a friend. Her sister's little girl over a year ago ingested toxic soda, or better known here in the US as a dry powder crystal type Draino. When I found out, I of course hoped that somehow the little 2-year-old … [Read more...]
Laura Story
I sit here this morning doing homeschool with my niece/daughter. I have KLove on in the background. I just started doing this yesterday. It’s nice to have uplifting, encouraging music in the background during the day. As I sat here moving my paper planner for the school year into a program on my computer, a song came on the radio that I have heard played many times before. I know the words and almost always sing to the song as it flows out through my speakers. The funny thing is the words … [Read more...]
Day 96: The Things We Keep
In life as each day goes by we create memories. For the most part most of those memories aren't that important so we forget about them. But the important ones sometimes feel like they embed themselves into our brains. When my daughter died I knew I couldn't go back and live in the house where all I had surrounding me were memories of her. Pictures on the wall. Her silly cups. Her food. Her bedroom. I was a stay at home mom of a child with severe autism whose life completely revolved around my … [Read more...]
Q is for quest
Because in Mari's world I bet she was always on a quest to find some new adventure that lead her to Giggle Town. I laugh when I think of that line above. Mari always loved to retreat into her world. Sometimes I wish there could have been a way for me to go with her to see for myself what made her so happy as she visited her own Giggle Town. It was rare to see Mari sad. She could entertain herself for hours. Turn on a Backyardigans or Dora or Wonder Pets video and she was just happy. She … [Read more...]
Day 68: Making Use of Fear
In life there are so many things we can be fearful of. Some seem irrational like small spaces, loud noises like fireworks shows, or even the little itty-bitty spiders that to some say, "it's more afraid of you than you of it." I think my granny (noises) and my mom (spiders) would beg to differ. When it comes to writing, fear can grind us to a halt. We are afraid of what some might say about our writing. Or we won't ever find an agent or publisher so why try. Or sometimes the strongest fears … [Read more...]
