It's a beautiful day by anyone’s account. The date is July 22, 2008. The sky is crystal clear and Caribbean blue. It's around eighty degrees and only getting hotter by the hour. A typical summer day in Chicago. The day has one vital flaw: It's the day I'll bury my one and only child. Her name is Mariana (Mar-ē-awe-na). She was eight-and-a-half years old when she left this earth on July 16. I guess if you're getting ready to permanently say good-bye to the one person who has completely occupied … [Read more...]
T’was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
T’was the night before our lives changed, forever in our house, No one could have known, not even a mouse. For our hopes hung in the balance with all human care, In the hopes that our prayers would be answered right there. The people who loved her went off to their beds, While they laid there and slept or prayed in their heads. And daddy had his hope, and mommy had her fears, Because the next morning might bring about our tears. We arose the next morning to hear so much clatter, As … [Read more...]
Time Keeps on Treking
It seems as though time continues to trek on. Time is a never-ending cycle of both grief and happiness all rolled into one. A little over a year ago I lost the one thing most precious to me and that was my baby girl, Mariana. Mari is always thought about and missed. For anyone who was fortunate enough to meet her their lives were forever imprinted and changed to have known her. She had such a special spirit about her. She had an infectious laugh where sometimes she would just start laughing … [Read more...]
A Mother’s Love Never Fades
Life’s been a fog, a fuzzy, sad haze As one year has come, a moment we dread What in life can bring so much sadness With lots of tears and feeling so empty It’s a mother’s love and the loss of her child The one that she bore and then buried 8 short years later When her child was born, she had so much hope Her child became part of her everything, making her life finally complete Yet the child had autism, which changes her hopes and dreams They included so many things, but a mother’s … [Read more...]
It’s coming…
I have really tried not to think about it. Yet it's coming. I don’t want it to come. Yet friends keep reminding me. I wish it'd just go away. Yet I receive a letter in the mail to say I'm being thought about during it. MOTHER’S DAY!! Mother’s Day is coming whether I want it to or not. It's supposed to be a time of celebration for being a mother. Our Mothers, Grandmothers, Great-Grandmothers, and sometimes even Great-Great-Grandmothers are all remembered this day and celebrated as the ones … [Read more...]
Comments and Feedback
A friend of mine told me she comes to this website everyday to see what I have posted and is disappointed when there isn't anything. I am going to try something new. I want to try to post at least one thing a day just to let you all know how I am doing. Sometimes I will just tell you how my day went and other times I will write out something like I usually post. I hope everyone will like this. Please keep your comments coming as I love to hear feedback from those who care about me, Mari and … [Read more...]
T’was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
I am asking for everyone's help. I have rewritten a poem that is a dedication to Mari. If everyone could please read it and give me your comments, I would appreciate it more than you know. I have also put "T'was the Night Before Christmas" below my poem so you can put them side by side. My hope is that you feel my poem matches up with this poem. Thanks in advance for everyone's help with this. Kristena T’was the night before our lives changed, forever in our house, No one could have known, … [Read more...]
To The Love Of My Life – married 15 years February 18
To the man I love You are my partner, my friend You are the one I choose to not live my life without You have become my everything I don’t know exactly when this happened But you are why I am here today You have shown me what patience looks like You have shown me what true unconditional love really is You have shown me that God really does work in mysterious ways Mari is gone and you are here We are here We are there for each other in both the good days and the bad When trouble comes you have … [Read more...]
Music of the Heart
I was not sure if I could handle going back to church this morning. I have tried two times since Mari passed. Each time I could not make it through. I sit here writing this as those around me are singing. Singing was one of the things I used to love to do in church. It meant so much to me and I put my heart and soul into it. I just can’t seem to do that. Singing has always meant so much to me. In my high school youth group is where I was introduced to contemporary Christian songs. I am so … [Read more...]
Mari’s Crayons
I sit here in church today just hoping I will make it through. I found Mari’s crayons she used to color with in my Bible bag this morning. The bag was on the very top shelf of our bedroom closet. Just imagine, it was as if there were dust atop the bag as it had been up on that shelf since we moved into our home in September. I went through the bag just to make sure of what was in there. There they sat; her crayons. When we used to go to church with Mari in tow, this is partly how we could keep … [Read more...]
