Have you ever thought about what your actions or words might do for someone, especially if they are going through something? For me, I've always tried to do what I can to help someone else if possible. We all have our hard times we go through and it's nice to know someone else cares. When Mari was in the hospital, as you can probably imagine, there were lots of tears and heavy hearts with each passing day as we watch our beloved, beautiful daughter slipping before our very eyes. It happened so … [Read more...]
Day 138: Writer Panic Attacks
When something hits me and I have to write it down, I don't know that I'd called it a panic attack in the sense that I'm hyperventilating and having a hard time with things around me. It's more that in that moment, whatever feelings I have floating around inside me are like they are begging me to get them written down. That first year after Mari died, I had a lot of those moments. My grief could consume me and they fought to come out through the words I typed out into my computer or my journal. … [Read more...]
Helping Others
When you help someone else how does that make you feel? For me, I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. It lets me know I'm doing the right thing. If I were to do something for only self-satisfying reason, there isn't that good feeling that comes with it. You feel kind of icky after it's all said and done and you've had time to think about it. I always think back to Mari and her time in the hospital. On the day the "Doom and Gloom Squad" sat us down one final time to tell us that our beautiful … [Read more...]
A Broken Heart is an Open Heart
Grief and bereavement is a long and difficult journey. Even if the loss is imminent and you think you are prepared, there is no adequate preparation in the end. The agony of losing a loved one, particularly a beloved child who should have long outlived you, is acute and sudden yet also seemingly never-ending. When I lost my niece a few years ago the intensity of the grief I felt overwhelmed me. Yet somehow, in the process of both recovering from my own sense of loss and helping my sister - who … [Read more...]
Day 124: Breaking Glass: Metaphor and Symbols
In life, it seems so many of try to come our grief and pain to someone else’s. Our tragedy to theirs. The thing is that even if the tragedies sound similar in nature, no two are the same. I remember going to a wake a few months after my daughter had passed. The may be long but here goes: My husband’s sister’s husband’s (David’s) grandfather had passed away. Both David’s grandmother and the grandfather had come to Mari’s wake. Basically his whole family came by to pay their respects. I … [Read more...]
Laura Story
I sit here this morning doing homeschool with my niece/daughter. I have KLove on in the background. I just started doing this yesterday. It’s nice to have uplifting, encouraging music in the background during the day. As I sat here moving my paper planner for the school year into a program on my computer, a song came on the radio that I have heard played many times before. I know the words and almost always sing to the song as it flows out through my speakers. The funny thing is the words … [Read more...]
Day 108: Aunt Boo’s House
My grandpa passed away exactly one year and one month to the day after my daughter passed away on August 16, 2009. Since I can remember Grandpa told me stories about his time in the Navy in World War II. When he went to basic and his job school (which is the equivalent of AIT in the Army), everyone put down there preference of where they wanted to be stationed. They could either choose the East Coast or The Pacific in Hawaii. Since he was from the west coast he choose The Pacific and since … [Read more...]
Wow, Three Months Already
It's hard to believe that only three months ago I started my 365 day quest of writing on Mari's site. It's been really fun to do. In this past month we have been getting ready to move to Anchorage, Alaska, to start a new adventure. We've heard nothing but good things about living there. I can only imagine all the things we can do and see once we are there. I sit here on the couch in my in-laws house and it's kind of quiet and nice. I've missed being away from everyone so it's nice to know … [Read more...]
H is for heal
Because losing Mari has been the hardest thing I've ever been through but with time my wounded heart has slowly begun to heal. When someone said that losing a child is the hardest thing anyone would have to deal with, that couldn't be more of an understatement. Mari died four and a half years ago and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. The pain can be so raw that I sob. The tears pour from my eyes. Even though four and a half years may seem like a while, it really isn't. I know that … [Read more...]
Day 7: Jumping Off
I have to laugh. Talk about something hitting home. I have been struggling to get back into my writing. I have a completed first draft of my fiction novel but have been unmotivated to just sit down and edit it. I have several story ideas, that as soon as they pop into my brain, I immediately write them down. Everyone I talk to tells me to just jump in and do it. Yet, I don't no matter how much I should. I could come up with a million excuses. Let's see. We took guardianship of our … [Read more...]
