As I sit here and look outside my upstairs window, the landscape is blanketed in a snowy winter wonderland. While we slept last night, snow fell, leaving about 3 inches on the ground. The trees are covered in the beautiful purity the snow brings. It’s December 1. Christmas is only days away now and we are in full-fledged shopping mode to get all the gifts for the ones we love. As this time of year always comes around, Mari is never too far from my mom. She never far from my thoughts, but, … [Read more...]
Day 138: Writer Panic Attacks
When something hits me and I have to write it down, I don't know that I'd called it a panic attack in the sense that I'm hyperventilating and having a hard time with things around me. It's more that in that moment, whatever feelings I have floating around inside me are like they are begging me to get them written down. That first year after Mari died, I had a lot of those moments. My grief could consume me and they fought to come out through the words I typed out into my computer or my journal. … [Read more...]
Day 130: Paying Attention
When I write about Mari, I’m paying attention to my internal thoughts and feelings that I have at the time. She will be at the forefront as I write out the words on the screen. For me, it’s about know that I’m being truthful about what I’m feeling at the time. It helps me to grieve for her and heal at the same time. Sometimes it’s when I’m feeling sad and really missing her and other times it’s about the happy memories I have of her. I know that all of this requires me to pay attention to my … [Read more...]
Hitting “The Mark”
I went and visited a website of someone I knew in our grief group back in Chicago today. The reason I visited it was because on the old blogger site I had started this one on (which is technically still up and running, don’t ask me why, it does redirect people to here however :) ) I have this woman’s website listed under Blogs of Importance. Under the listing, it shows a title of the most recent blog post. This one was labeled, “Letting go.” I thought that meant she was letting go of her … [Read more...]
Updated chapters 1 & 2
Hello everyone, I have just updated and posted new previews for the first two chapters of the book based upon some of the comments I have received. I have kept the old preview as well if you want to compare the two. The revised chapters: Click Here for Chapter 1 Click Here for Chapter 2 The older version: Click here for previous version of Chapters 1 and 2 For anyone who is interested in pre-buying this book, please go the upper right hand side of this page for details. Here is … [Read more...]
A Special Sneak Peak
Hello everyone. I have uploaded a special sneak peak for Mari's book. It is the first two chapter's of the book. I am looking for honest feedback from those who are willing to read it. I hope you enjoy it. https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1082508 Here is a preview of the finally chapter as well as possibly making it into a children's book with illustrations. Please tell me what you think: https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1082512 … [Read more...]
The Tears of Mother’s Day
I sit here in my comfy cozy recliner at about 1am. I sit here thinking about Mari and knowing that when I wake up in the morning it is Mother’s Day. I have dreaded it all week. All it does for me know is remind me that I am a mom without her child on this earth any longer. I feel childless. I dread going to church tomorrow morning because all they will do there is wish all the mother’s a Happy Mother’s Day. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think it is an important day. However, it will … [Read more...]
Missing Her…
I sit here thinking about my beloved angel today and how much she is missed. I was looking at one of her pictures up on the wall and at how truly beautiful she was at just 5. Then I started to look at some of her other pictures. This got me to thinking about what she would have looked like once she was an adult. I think she would have been one of those adults that when people looked at her they would have thought she had such natural beauty. Unfortunately, we will never get to know. All we … [Read more...]
Mari’s book
Yesterday while at church, a lady from my Sunday School class announced something very special. She said she was going to hosting a Tastefully Simple (or is Simply Tasteful) party or something like that. I know that she plans on selling the goodies to members at our church. Then she announced that all proceeds would be going towards costs to get Mari’s book edited. To say I was shocked doesn’t even quite describe it. I am ever so grateful she came up with this idea and others are willing … [Read more...]
I’m still amazed…
I am still amazed sometimes when someone tells me they think I am a good writer. I have never thought of myself in this light. To be honest, the only time I have written anything before in the past were for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only: an assignment/paper for school/college or writing in my diary. That was it. I never wrote stories or anything. Then Mari gets sick and I write out for all of our friends and family updates on her progress. Then she dies. I purchase a special journal to … [Read more...]
