January 2 I sit here in church service. Right away they start by singing. The tears start to well up and I have to leave. I still have a hard time just being able to sing in church. It is so hard for me. Somehow it just makes me miss Mari all the more. She would always love the singing portion of church service. She would sing in her own special way. She would sometimes flap her arms in excitement. She truly loved the singing. I think I just truly miss that with her not here … [Read more...]
The magic of love
December 14, 2010 Love. Love has its own special magic. When all else fails, you still have love. There are some people who have not been lucky enough to truly experience the love you receive from your life partner. I feel like I am one of the lucky ones. I met Keith when I was only 19 years old. Our first impression of one another was, let’s just say, not that great. So it wasn’t love at first sight. Personally, I have never experienced that but sometimes you just don’t need … [Read more...]
Missing the imporant moments
December 13, 2010 I am driving in my car this morning and the roads are kind of nasty from the snow we got yesterday. I finally plug in my iPhone so I can listen to my iPod. Last night on the way home from work I decided to play Steven Curtis Chapman’s CD “Beauty Will Rise.” This CD was written and created after the tragic death of his youngest daughter Maria. Maria passed away on May 21, 2008, only a little less than 2 months before Mari did. His CD is one of the ways he dealt with … [Read more...]
Did you know that Angels are among us?
Angels are from heaven, We already know. But where are they at, Only God knows. Sometimes they hide And do miracles so great, But sometimes their Right there in plain sight. How can we tell An angel is beside us? Look for the goodness And innocence all around. It may surprise you to find out that each one of us has our own, One that is there guiding And protecting us all day long. No it's no one you'd suspect Or even think of; However, to know they're all around Can … [Read more...]
HER FINAL DAY
It's a beautiful day by anyone’s account. The date is July 22, 2008. The sky is crystal clear and Caribbean blue. It's around eighty degrees and only getting hotter by the hour. A typical summer day in Chicago. The day has one vital flaw: It's the day I'll bury my one and only child. Her name is Mariana (Mar-ē-awe-na). She was eight-and-a-half years old when she left this earth on July 16. I guess if you're getting ready to permanently say good-bye to the one person who has completely occupied … [Read more...]
The One
I sit here thinking of the one not here, the one not far from my mind but ever-present. The one has a mind like no one can fathom, a mind all one's own with no care in the world. The mind can do wondrous things, to help us to cope or simply get by. However, the mind of the one is all unique and blessed, the one knows no wrong or gets scared of the rest. The one's fears are only in the head of the one's dreams, for this person may have seemed to be unreal to those … [Read more...]
T’was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
I am asking for everyone's help. I have rewritten a poem that is a dedication to Mari. If everyone could please read it and give me your comments, I would appreciate it more than you know. I have also put "T'was the Night Before Christmas" below my poem so you can put them side by side. My hope is that you feel my poem matches up with this poem. Thanks in advance for everyone's help with this. Kristena T’was the night before our lives changed, forever in our house, No one could have known, … [Read more...]
To The Love Of My Life – married 15 years February 18
To the man I love You are my partner, my friend You are the one I choose to not live my life without You have become my everything I don’t know exactly when this happened But you are why I am here today You have shown me what patience looks like You have shown me what true unconditional love really is You have shown me that God really does work in mysterious ways Mari is gone and you are here We are here We are there for each other in both the good days and the bad When trouble comes you have … [Read more...]
Mari’s Crayons
I sit here in church today just hoping I will make it through. I found Mari’s crayons she used to color with in my Bible bag this morning. The bag was on the very top shelf of our bedroom closet. Just imagine, it was as if there were dust atop the bag as it had been up on that shelf since we moved into our home in September. I went through the bag just to make sure of what was in there. There they sat; her crayons. When we used to go to church with Mari in tow, this is partly how we could keep … [Read more...]
Preacakes
It is Saturday morning and I have just woken up. Daddy is still sleeping beside me as he has had a long week at work in the recruiting office. They usually are. It is about 10:15 in the morning. I have awoken to the sound of our eight year old little angel singing her heart out through the monitor. She is singing one of her very favorite song, “Rescue pack, comin’ to the rescue …” It is from one of her favorite shows Diego, the Animal Rescuer. I lay in bed awhile longer trying to just rest … [Read more...]
