I sit here on our flight from Hawaii back to Chicago. It amazes me how quickly this past week and a half went by. We had Christmas in Hawaii. For the first time in my life I was not excited about the holiday so many people always love and cherish. For me, it is just a reminder of what I am missing and how much I miss her. I sit here on our flight just trying not to cry. The pain is so deep and still so fresh. I know it has been over 5 months yet it still feels like yesterday that we lost her. … [Read more...]
Time and How Precious It Really Is
I think about how time can be more precious than most really think about or even care to think about. Because if we think about how precious time really is we then begin to realize that it is not infinite. We only have a limited amount of time, each and everyone of us, here on this earth. When our time is up, it is up. There is no amount of begging or pleading that can keep us here or those that we love. I can remember sitting in the hospital at the beginning of her getting sick and just … [Read more...]
On our way to Hawaii
I sit on our flight to Hawaii and think about our beloved baby girl Mari who left us in July to go to heaven before her time. I know some people will say that it must have been her time because she is gone. In my heart, and my soul, and my mind it was not yet her time. Her time would have been after daddy and mommy were gone and not a day before. Daddy and I are going to Hawaii today because of a dear, loving uncle of mine who gave to us hotel accommodations for a one bedroom condo for 11 days … [Read more...]
Praise You In This Storm
Casting Crowns is one of my favorite groups if not my favorite. What I like about this group is their words. They are not afraid to tell it like it is. When my daughter passed away this past summer I had someone from our church sing this song. It was how we closed out her funeral service. This song says so much as to how Keith and I are feeling right now and will probably feel for some time to come. I hope these words mean as much to you as they have for us. I have also include a video I found … [Read more...]
Stop and Think
I wish sometimes people would really think before they say something. It seems like I hear more times than not, “She’s in a better place.” I wonder if people HONESTLY think this makes us feel better. Yes, logically they are right. But to be blunt, WHO CARES. I am human and selfish by nature. I want my daughter back. I want her right here. It does not matter than she is technically in a better place. I miss her so much and now there is a whole in my heart that will never heal. It will never … [Read more...]
True Friendship
It amazes me how you find out who your true friends really are. While she was in the hospital we asked people to pray for Mari to get better. And from there it became a snowball effect. We had people praying for her and us all across the country. I would not be surprised at all if there were over a half a million people who were praying for Mari and Keith and I during this time. When Mari died there were tons of people who were there to support Keith and me. Anyone from family, to close … [Read more...]
Communication, How Hard Is It Really?
I wish I understood the secret to good communication. It does not matter whether it is verbal communication, silent communication, or through someone’s body language. In marriage it is vital. Without good communication you basically have nothing. You basically have a lifeless marriage. The only way a marriage will survive is through good communication. When you are grieving for the loss of your daughter you find out just how hard it can become to communicate between a husband and wife when … [Read more...]
My Thoughts
Recently I was approached and asked if I would like to put my feelings and thoughts about Mari into words here on this blog. I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. Mari's mother and I met over 2 yrs ago and created an instant bond because my son Brian (who is 9 now) has autism also. So as our friendship grew we would rely on each other for support by comparing our experiences no matter what time of day or night regardless of the different time zones. You see I live here in … [Read more...]
Loneliness, how it must feel
The loneliness I feel is like nothing else I have ever experience in my life. It does not matter what I do or who I talk to it is always there. There are times when I can keep myself busy enough not to have to think about the true loneliness I feel but it always comes back. I sit here in my house all alone. I have my puppy sitting on my lap because he does not like to be alone. I have my kitten at my feet because he does not like to be alone. I am glad I have them because they at least keep … [Read more...]
Tomorrow…
Will tomorrow ever come? It feels as though it is far off in the distance. If tomorrow were to come there might be peace that could come to my heart. But tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow is only in my dreams. Tomorrow has sunshine. Tomorrow has the sun shining brightly and the Angel looking down on me. Tomorrow seems like a mystical creature of another world. The reality is if tomorrow were here I would not feel this ache in the bottom of my stomach. If tomorrow were here I would not feel this … [Read more...]
