I sit here watching the Super Bowl where the Steelers and Packers are playing each other. Keith and I are at a friend’s house just enjoying each other’s company. It’s nice instead of just being at home. I sit here thinking about how this little pink journal I bring with me almost everywhere has become quite a companion for me. I am able to write down my thoughts that might otherwise be lost forever. It’s nice to know I have this. Some people think this is my personal diary. I tell … [Read more...]
Keith’s 40th
Today is Keith’s 40th birthday. He starts a new generation today. The last generation has had some of the biggest bumps and bruises he’s had in his life. Those bumps and bruises have slowly been healing but they will never go away. We both continue to live our lives on a path neither one could have expected or wanted yet here we both are anyway. I like to tell people, “It is what it is.” What I mean by this is can I do anything about the path that has been laid before me? No I can’t. … [Read more...]
Grateful for the little things in life
It seems that sitting in church, like I am now, seems to be a place where I feel I can open up so freely and easily. I am so grateful and excited to be going back to church and finding one that Keith and I feel at home with. I know that it is God who has been nudging our hearts to find a new church home. It just has been hard grieving as much as we have and having anger issues. But it feels good to be around fellow believers as we are now. I think now I am going to seek out another woman … [Read more...]
Seeing Mari again
I want to share a passage of the Bible that was recently shown to me: 2 Samuel 12:15-23 15 After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth[a] on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them. 18 On the seventh day the child died. … [Read more...]
Writing through tragedy
Recently things have been good. I have not been overly sad. I mean, I miss Mari but I am doing good. I sit here in church again. I am glad we have started going to church on a regular basis. It is important for the two of us and our marriage. My hope is it only makes us stronger and helps us to get through the loss of Mari. I know through God anything can happen. I know some people might say, “How could you believe in a God who would do this?” My response is God knows more than I … [Read more...]
Find a new church home
Well, yesterday was a good day. I had the day off so I spent most of the day typing the entries I write in my pink journal here at work. It felt good to finally get them typed up and posted on Mari’s website. Now that her b-day has come and gone, it is easier again. I am grateful for this. We went to try out a new church on Sunday. We have not gone to church since we moved here at the end of April last year. I know I started to feel a tug to start looking in the past couple of months … [Read more...]
Singing…
January 2 I sit here in church service. Right away they start by singing. The tears start to well up and I have to leave. I still have a hard time just being able to sing in church. It is so hard for me. Somehow it just makes me miss Mari all the more. She would always love the singing portion of church service. She would sing in her own special way. She would sometimes flap her arms in excitement. She truly loved the singing. I think I just truly miss that with her not here … [Read more...]
The magic of love
December 14, 2010 Love. Love has its own special magic. When all else fails, you still have love. There are some people who have not been lucky enough to truly experience the love you receive from your life partner. I feel like I am one of the lucky ones. I met Keith when I was only 19 years old. Our first impression of one another was, let’s just say, not that great. So it wasn’t love at first sight. Personally, I have never experienced that but sometimes you just don’t need … [Read more...]
Missing the imporant moments
December 13, 2010 I am driving in my car this morning and the roads are kind of nasty from the snow we got yesterday. I finally plug in my iPhone so I can listen to my iPod. Last night on the way home from work I decided to play Steven Curtis Chapman’s CD “Beauty Will Rise.” This CD was written and created after the tragic death of his youngest daughter Maria. Maria passed away on May 21, 2008, only a little less than 2 months before Mari did. His CD is one of the ways he dealt with … [Read more...]
Work at Walmart
(It looks like this was written around end of October) I have been working at Walmart now for the past 2 months. When asked, “Is it what you expected?” I’m not sure if I know what to expect exactly. I mean, I know I would be on my feet the majority of the time (I mean it is Walmart after all). But as for what I expected, I really did not have a lot of expectations. I know that starting off on the graveyard shift would be a drastic change since I have never worked that shift before. Not … [Read more...]
