I sit here in our car as Keith and I are driving to DeKalb one last time before we move to Kentucky. I have nothing to write on at the moment so I took some brown napkins from my glove compartment to use instead (I guess they're not just for wiping your hands off after all). Many things are happening right now in our lives. Many good-byes. The other day we attended our last Parent-only grief group. It was definitely bitter-sweet. I can say without hesitation that this group is beyond … [Read more...]
It’s that time of year…
It’s that time of year again. That time of year everyone dreads yet some look forward to. What time of year is it you may ask? Well it is TAX TIME. For most people this is just a time of year that is required by our federal government to report how much money we have made during the year and to try to find as many deductions as the IRS will allow to either pay the least amount of money possible, or, for those that are lucky, a refund. Every year I would start getting all my documents … [Read more...]
The days, months, and years to come
I sit here wondering what life has in store for me in the days, months, and years to come. Just two years ago at this same time, I knew Keith, my husband, and I had a life of taking care of a severely autistic child that within the next few years would more than likely have to be put into some kind of home for her own safety. She was getting harder and harder to take care of and she kept escaping out of our house. We knew we didn't want to do this but we knew that the way things were going we … [Read more...]
16 Years of Wedded Bliss, Could Anyone Ask For Anything More
It's been interesting how this past week has gone for me. I started to get really sick towards the end of the Super Bowl on Sunday. The rest of the week I guess can be best explained as feeling just BLAH. I feel like I'm finally on the mend. During this time I've implanted myself up on my couch all week. Then I decided to move all of Mari’s website to a new provider. My hope is that I'll be able to get better exposure to get Mari’s memory out there better. I want her to live on in all … [Read more...]
Touching Souls Bereavement Photography
If anyone can support this cause, it would mean the world to me. To find out why, please read what I have typed in below and my reasonings after: "At the heart of it all, what matters most is: Who has touched our lives and Whose lives we've touched. "Touching Souls Photography, supporting parents whose babies or children die, relies entirely on donations and gifts from individuals and organizations. Donated dollars are used to support direct expenses for the photographs made for … [Read more...]
HER FINAL DAY
It's a beautiful day by anyone’s account. The date is July 22, 2008. The sky is crystal clear and Caribbean blue. It's around eighty degrees and only getting hotter by the hour. A typical summer day in Chicago. The day has one vital flaw: It's the day I'll bury my one and only child. Her name is Mariana (Mar-ē-awe-na). She was eight-and-a-half years old when she left this earth on July 16. I guess if you're getting ready to permanently say good-bye to the one person who has completely occupied … [Read more...]
Contemplating Christmas
T'is the season of joy, happiness & love, or at least that is how it used to be. Last year, what would've been our first Christmas without Mari, we got to escape and go to Hawaii. I didn't have to deal with the glaring reality of her not being here. Now this year has come. It's technically our second Christmas season. But the reality is so different. This is like it's our first one without her instead. It feels like ever since Thanksgiving Day I've been just getting by. Almost like … [Read more...]
The Unexpected Journey
The sudden darkness that hit her was like an overwhelming force of nature and seemed to envelope her all at once. Suddenly off in the distance there appeared what looked like a speck of light. It drew her in as if calling her by name saying, “Ariella, follow the light. It will guide you on your new path.” So she did. As she went, she soared through the air like a majestic eagle. The light grew bright and more vivid as she drew near. It started to reveal what looked like a giant white door … [Read more...]
Mariana: A Personality Exuded
Mariana is my eight-and-a-half-year-old little angel who may be as misunderstood as how her name is pronounced. Her name is not Mary-anne-a but instead Mari‑ē‑awe‑na. For short, everyone calls her Mari. She may have a shortened nickname, but she is anything but short on personality. She can walk into a room and bring life to a stagnant crowd. The energy she exudes brings those around her back to a child like state. I often say, “If we could bottle up all her energy we might be able to light … [Read more...]
Justing Sitting Here…
As I sit here, I am readily thinking of Mari this morning. I sit here with a smile on my face at how that little angel could uplift the lives of so many while at the same time I have a dog at my feet just whining to get up on my lap and have some attention. It amazes me sometimes at how much my life has now changed from over a year ago. I was a stay at home mom taking care of a severely autistic child. My life was almost all-consuming with making sure Mari was watched almost all the time as … [Read more...]
