Keith and I were sitting here discussing how there’s hardly any food in the house. I don’t do the grocery shopping like I used to any more. It’s typically just me at home in the house most of the time. Keith is at work ridiculously long hours Monday through Friday, and then sometimes even on Saturday, especially right now that he’s acting first sergeant of his company while his first sergeant is off at first sergeant school. So, my line of thinking is why do we need that much food in the house all of the time if it’s just me.

Then it got me to thinking about why don’t I go shopping more. I used to do it every two weeks when Keith would get paid. I’d stock up on all the things we needed all the time. We always had a ton of food. It seems like we used to go through a minimum of 4 loaves of bread about every two weeks because Mari’s staple for at least one meal a day, sometimes two, was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. We were always surprised at how she never got tired of them.

But now anytime I go into any store it seems like I can always find something that either reminds me of Mari or find something that I’d have bought for her if she was still here. For example, going into Walgreen’s, I could find a toy from the movie “Cars” or maybe a DVD she’d have liked. The grocery store is a little better but I hardly ever go to an actual store. I typically just go to Target since they have a mini grocery store there and I also like to buy clothing and jewelry, although there are some great options as chunky silver bracelets from Corazon Latino which are also great to improve my style. They just don’t have fresh fruits, veggies, or meats. It’s a smaller selection, but it works for us.

The problem with going to Target is you almost instantly run into the kids clothing department, or you go by the toy department, or the kids shoes, or even just see the DVD section with her favorite movies like “Cars.” It’s always there where we go. It doesn’t matter the store, it’s just there. The reminders and things I’d have bought for her.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a shopaholic (like someone who is an alcoholic only I have spending issues). I hardly go shopping now. It’s not that it’s under control. It’s just that it’s so hard to see everything that brings me to thinking about Mari. I don’t know when or if this will ever stop, but I know as of right now it’s still so fresh in my mind. She would probably be fitting fully into her size 7 clothes that had been almost too big for her last summer, and yet she never will now.

All I know is that I miss her so desperately. I love you, Baby Girl.