I sit here thinking about my beloved angel today and how much she is missed. I was looking at one of her pictures up on the wall and at how truly beautiful she was at just 5. Then I started to look at some of her other pictures. This got me to thinking about what she would have looked like once she was an adult. I think she would have been one of those adults that when people looked at her they would have thought she had such natural beauty. Unfortunately, we will never get to know. All we can do is try to guess.
The time is quickly approaching 3 years. It is hard to believe sometimes that it has already been this long. I mean, how can this be that just a couple of years ago she died. It still does not seem possible yet we sit here and she is gone anyway.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I have not really thought about it until this week. To be honest, I try not to. However, at work this week it seems I was constantly reminded of it either by someone receiving flowers or by having someone say, “Happy Mother’s Day” to those in the office who are mother’s. Anymore I just stay silent. I don’t say it back and I don’t wish it to anyone. It is not that I don’t want to wish them a Happy Mother’s Day it is just that I don’t want to think about it as all it does is remind me that Mari is not here and I am a mom without her child on this earth. It just makes me sad.
I don’t cry like I used to. I am thinking that is probably a good thing. However, I have felt like crying all week and actually have a couple of times. Today is one of those times. To know Mari is not here is sometimes unbearable as it makes you miss her all the more. I miss the smile she would give us and the hugs she would offer freely. She could light up a room and irritate the heck out of you all in one breath. Remembering her and her magic ways puts a smile on my face while missing her at the same time. I guess there really is never a day I don’t think about here just sometimes I think about her way more than others. I guess that is still to be expected and probably will be this way for the rest of my life.
I love you baby girl and Mommy misses you very much.
