In life there are those moments where it feels like everything around us is falling apart. Sometimes they are only a small fall and other times we biffed the big one.
The worst time for me, as anyone can imagine, was during those sixteen long days while Mari lay in a hospital bed deteriorating in front of me. My world began to crumble with every turn for the worse that happened to her. No matter how hard we hoped or prayed, our little girl continued to get worse. E. coli is no joke and should always be taken seriously for how quickly it can take the health, and sometimes the life, of those we love. For us, the unfortunate reality is it in the end took our beloved daughter’s life.
I still remember being at the cemetery for the internment as I watched them roll her away to the vehicle that would drive her away to her final resting place. I rushed to the casket, lay my hand on it and just cried. Our daughter was gone. No amount of prayer or wishful thinking would bring her back. The life that once light up a room now lay in a casket getting ready to be buried in the ground never to be seen again a day on this earth.
As I walked away my legs felt like they crumbled beneath me and I fell to a heap on the ground. All I could do was sob over the loss of my only child, my little girl who my life had revolved around for the past 8 1/2 years. My life had forever changed in a way I never thought could possibly happen to me. Yet, there is sat in a heap missing my little girl.
So, yes, I fell apart, and it was the hardest thing, and still is, to have happened in my life. However, through it all, God has been there to put the pieces slowly but surely back together. I know I’d not be okay if it wasn’t for His strength that helped me to be where I am today.
June Foster says
Kristena, It’s a blessing to see how the Lord has sustained you and you depend on His strength. Thank you for your encouragement. I had one of those small falling apart days yesterday.
Kristena Tunstall says
June, thank you for your heart-felt comments. They mean so much. I think we all have those time where we need a good cry. I hope you had a better day today.
Ada Brownell says
It’s amazing when we discover the Lord is our Comforter. I experienced that when we lost our daughter. So wonderful that I could say the name of Jesus or quote Philippians 4: 6-7 and sleep at night, even better than I do now sometimes. It’s been 20 years and we still miss her, as you will your daughter until we get there.. I wrote Swallowed by Life: Mysteries of Death, Resurrection and the Eternal because of what I learned being on the medical beat at the newspaper and what the Lord taught me afterward. Many have told me they were blessed by the book.
Kristena Tunstall says
Ada, I have no doubt that many have been and will continue to be. I’ve written my daughter’s memoir about everything that happened as well as the days right after. I know that it too will be able to show people that no matter what happens in this life, no matter what tragedy befalls us, that we will be okay and that the Lord will be there with us holding us up and giving the us the strength to get through. I fell so blessed to have been Mari’s mom and I know someday I will get to see her again. It’s just a matter of when. 🙂