I sit here on our flight from Hawaii back to Chicago. It amazes me how quickly this past week and a half went by. We had Christmas in Hawaii. For the first time in my life I was not excited about the holiday so many people always love and cherish. For me, it is just a reminder of what I am missing and how much I miss her. I sit here on our flight just trying not to cry. The pain is so deep and still so fresh. I know it has been over 5 months yet it still feels like yesterday that we lost her.

I know there are people out there right now that Keith and I know that are thinking we should be over it by now; that we need to go back to being our old selves. There is even one person who never met our daughter, was not here when she got sick or died and actually told one of us to go off to Hawaii, to relax, have a good time, but when we get back that the one of us needs to be the person he/she has heard so much about. What this person fails to realize is the day our daughter died, we died right along with her. The Keith and Kristena from before no longer exist. They left with our beloved Mariana. A new and very different Keith and Kristena have emerged. It is a Keith and Kristena that have an incredibly hard time with understanding how we have now been given the life we now have.

We both have a hard time concentrating on even the simple everyday things that alone those that are incredibly important to us. I want everyone to understand that the Keith and Kristena from before no longer exist and to never expect them to come back. Don’t ever ask those two people to come back because they won’t. However, get to know the new us. We are different but we both are just as special as before, just different. The new us is a little sadder, a little wiser, and a little bit more realistic with what life hands us. To know us is to love us, and to love us is to accept us just the way we are.

Thank you to everyone for your understanding.