Because losing Mari has been the hardest thing I've ever been through but with time my wounded heart has slowly begun to heal. When someone said that losing a child is the hardest thing anyone would have to deal with, that couldn't be more of an understatement. Mari died four and a half years ago and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. The pain can be so raw that I sob. The tears pour from my eyes. Even though four and a half years may seem like a while, it really isn't. I know that … [Read more...]
G is for giving
As you can't help giving your heart to Mari as she enters it for good. It never seemed to amaze me how captivating our daughter was. Here laughter could draw in almost anyone. It was infectious. I loved when she was sitting in her high chair eating and out of the blue she would start to giggle. You looked at where you thought she was but there wasn't anything there. She sort of had this far off look. She had escaped into Mari's world. I can imagine what her world was like as she was … [Read more...]
F is for Faith
Mari's cousin Faith was always the one to take care of Mari even though Faith was four years younger than her. Faith came into this world as a sweet beautiful little girl who grew into Mari's surrogate big sister even though she was younger. When we would come to visit Keith's mom and dad, Faith would bring Mari into her room and try her very best to force Mari to play with her. Here's the thing. No one could force Mari to do anything she didn't want to without Mari fighting you tooth and … [Read more...]
E is for Energy
You shake your head at all the energy one little girl exuded. Mari's infallible energy never ceased to amaze any of us. She could run through the house dancing, singing, both at the same time. She wasn't picky. Mari truly didn't care what other people thought of her. She'd run around at school, church, the store or any place that had a floor. So basically everywhere. I remember one day after the church service watching Mari in her normal exuberant self run all around making her Mari … [Read more...]
D is for Dare-Devil
Because Mari's inner dare-devil loved to dance on roofs or go dancing in the street. Mari had one of the most carefree attitudes of anyone I knew. She had no fear, or understanding, of trying something she shouldn't. When Keith was stationed at the DeKalb recruiting station, we lived in a four bedroom townhouse. At the time I had my office desk in our living room. It faced the window. One day I was sitting at it doing my business and all of a sudden I saw a foot appear on the roof from … [Read more...]
C is for caring
When you learn that caring about someone else is more important than anything you could do for yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to put someone before ourselves. We are human and we are innately selfish. It takes a conscientious effort to put others before ourselves. But when a women gets pregnant, there is shift. We now have a growing little one we carry inside our bellies. Our focus shifts from ourselves to the little one. I remember the day I was walking through Wal-Mart with my … [Read more...]
B is for Beautiful
The beautiful miracle we know as Mari. Keith and I were told we couldn't get pregnant the old-fashioned way. Between Keith having his issues and me having mine, we were told IVF was the only way I'd get preggers. I still remember sitting in a Piazza Hut with Keith, my mom, and her husband at the time. A few tables away sat a family with a baby that was big enough to sit in a high chair. I looked at him and yearned to have one of my own. Tears formed in my eyes. My mom looked where I was … [Read more...]
A is for Amazing
What an amazing little girl Mari was. My daughter had such an amazing way of being able to jump into your heart and stay forever. Mari didn't fit the stereotype for someone with autism. So much so that when she was two and attended the early intervention program that everyone kept saying she had autistic tendencies but she didn't have autism. She was tested in January 2003 by neuropsychologist. On February 5, my husband, Keith, and I were given the test results. Not only did Mari test on the … [Read more...]
Day 20: Naked in the Hallway
In a nutshell: Privacy. It seems like all we ever want in this life sometimes is privacy. There are things in our past that if others find out will leave us vulnerable. Raw. Open. My childhood was anything but easy. As for school, it was harder for me than a typical child due to my learning disability, Dyslexia. Today, most people still don't know I have it. In fact, if someone finds out about it they are surprised. When I was young I was held back in 2nd grade. Even after that I … [Read more...]
Day 19: The Five Characteristics of Good Writing
When I saw today's topic, I was kind of excited to read what another writer thought of as her five best characteristics to writing. I was surprised to find out she didn't even list one. Instead, she went on to talk about always being prepared and the fact there are no cut and dried answers when it comes to writing. Just in the short time I've been writing, I have been told many different things that should or shouldn't be done when you write. For example, using the words 'was', 'were', and … [Read more...]