When someone close to you dies it leaves a hole in your heart. What I tell people is that a hole was left by our daughter. As the years go by it will get smaller and smaller but it will never completely be filled again until we are in heaven seeing each other again someday. For me, I do not look at the hole as something God is supposed to fill. I think we all have little holes for different tragedies, no matter how big or small, that have happened in our lives. If the hole was to be filled by God then He could not work through us to his glory. He allows it to never be completely filled so He can work through us through this tragedy we have gone through.
However, I know that God is walking right beside me the whole time guiding me. I just need to learn to listen to Him so that I take the right paths He wants me to take. It is almost like He protects the hole with insulation, if you will, to where satin cannot come in and try to make the hole bigger again and cause more damage.
For me, the whole for my daughter will always be there. I will always miss her and some days will be worse than others. However, how God is taking care of me is He has shown me my writing through all of this. I am able to write in both times of sadness and also happiness. If Satan had his way I probably wouldn’t write at all and just let things fester which would not be healthy at all. God has allowed me to have a true living desire when it comes to writing that I could actually see myself (even though I am now 38 years old) trying to make this a career. God works in mysterious ways but I am so glad He is on my side. I could not have imagined going through this tragedy without Him. I thank the Lord everyday for His blessings and am grateful for what He has done for me. I don’t always understand or agree with the decisions He makes (hence my daughter), but I learn to accept them over time as in the end it is all for God’s ultimate plan for all of us. We have to step back and look at the bigger picture otherwise we would drive ourselves crazy over such a loss.
