It’s been interesting how this past week has gone for me.  I started to get really sick towards the end of the Super Bowl on Sunday.  The rest of the week I guess can be best explained as feeling just BLAH.  I feel like I’m finally on the mend.

During this time I’ve implanted myself up on my couch all week.  Then I decided to move all of Mari’s website to a new provider.  My hope is that I’ll be able to get better exposure to get Mari’s memory out there better.  I want her to live on in all of our minds.

As I was transferring all of the stuff I have written over the past year and a half, it was interesting to re-read some of what I’ve written in the past.  For the most part, it seems like I’ve written mostly sad related stuff.  But there are those few entries where I was positive and upbeat or I wrote a poem in dedication to her.  I guess I’m just grateful to have this outlet and that I can share it with all of you.

It seems hard to believe that we are already halfway through the month of February.  A new year has start yet once again.  As a matter of fact, in just six short days, Keith and I will be celebrating our sixteen year anniversary.  I look back at the sixteen years we’ve been together and it amazes me how we’ve made it where as many marriages out there today would’ve been divorced ten times over.

We both met while we were active duty in the Army.  Right there that should tell you we were already headed down a hard road as the military is a stressor in and of itself. Then you add marriage.  Then add in the fact that I had severe abuse happen to me as a child and the end result is utter confusion on my part only a little over two years into our marriage.  During that time we separated and almost got a divorce.  Fortunately, we were able to make it through that incredibly hard time and we became stronger as a couple because of it.

We then moved to Illinois where we found out that we might never have children the ol’ natural way.  We were blessed almost six years into our marriage to finally have a baby girl by the name of Mariana.

By the time Mari was just barely two, we all started to realized that something was not quite right with Mari’s development.  And by the age of three she was diagnosed with severe autism.  By this time Keith had also decided to go back active duty and be a part of the AGR (active guard/reserve) and become a recruiter.

He worked ridiculous hours.  Sometimes having to leave at four in the morning and getting home many night at 10, 11, or 12 o’clock at night.  We hardly saw him during the first few years other than on the weekends and when a holiday would come around and he would get a four day weekend.

With everything that had been through at us we were still strong and had a good marriage.

Then all of a sudden our lives forever change when our one and only child, the one we like to call our miracle baby, suddenly became ill from E. coli and passed away after two weeks and two days.  I guess you could say that losing a child is probably the hardest, if not the hardest, thing any marriage will have to go through (and to top everything off both of you grieve completely opposite than the other).

Through it all, Keith and I are still together and completely there for each other.  I know I could never imagine being with any other man than this man that I love with all of my heart.  And I can say without a shade of doubt that he feels the same way in return.  I feel so fortunate that we have each other and that no matter what else is thrown at us we’ll be okay.  He is truly the love of my live and my soul mate.