Please welcome this weeks guest Beth Farley for The Journey. She answers the question: How have you seen God work in your writing journey?
I didn’t choose to write, God chose me. End of story. No! There is a lot more as to why I am writing and not working full time. Almost a year ago, I was forced to step down from my full time job to working only part time. I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Nephrodic Syndrome; a very fancy title for a kidney disease.
I started my writing call slowly by learning how to create my own blog. I wanted people to follow my story. I thought for sure I had stuff to say that would spark interest in others. Well, not too much. Yes, I have a few followers and I am very thankful for that, but I wanted more. I wanted lots of followers and more than anything I wanted to earn some money. Months into this new journey of life, I felt confused and became lonely. I missed my routine of working every day. I missed my co-workers and I missed a big pay check. I went through a long time of walking in the dry, empty dessert, questioning God’s call. I remember a particular day when I was reminded that if Paul could write from a prison cell in Rome, than I could write from my bed in Missouri.
I doubted I could produce anything worth reading. The stress of a sinking budget was permeating every aspect of my life. I was lugging this stress everywhere. I didn’t want to write anymore. To add to the emotional stress, I was physically ill. “Why God? How god? Are you sure God?” My thoughts became cluttered and it became a ripple effect into my writing. My desk became cluttered, the papers and how-to-write books were strewn about. My desk light was shut off for week; I was slowly giving up.
I almost threw in the towel until I finally asked some very precious close sisters of faith pray with me for direction. In a matter of a couple of days I was given a writing opportunity, then another and another. None of these have been money-making assignments but God never told me I would make any money doing this. He just said, “Write Beth.” I honestly thought for a while that God stopped loving me; that’s how deep I was sinking.
We cannot shut off, stop, or in any way diminish God’s love for us. No matter what we do, we cannot cause God to stop loving us. I began to focus on His love for me, reading scriptures only about his love and it finally hit me; God has asked me to do this so he will provide for all of my needs because he loves me that much. Receiving God’s love healed me on the inside. It caused my self-esteem to be built up and emotional hurts of rejection to be soothed. Receiving God’s love allowed me to feel value, even if there was not a dollar sign attached to an assignment. Receiving God’s love allowed me to respect myself. Receiving God’s love allowed me to get motivated to discipline myself to writing daily and not give up. I have been chosen by God, because I am eternally, tenderly, unconditionally, and infinitely loved by God. This is no greater blessing and assurance.
So, each day, I set before my God, with my agenda and ask him to turn it into His agenda. Every day I take time to write. Every day I shake off the stress, embrace the love and write for my God.
Okay, I have great news and can’t leave you all hanging. Just after writing this article and having many praying for me, I had an article bought for the first time. Is God fantastic or what? I just have to keep trusting in HIS call upon my life. Don’t give up.
Beth Ann Farley lives in Kansas City, MO with her husband and six grown children and 13 grandchildren. She writes for bookfun.org; Too’n town magazine and the Mid-Continent Public Library. She has also been published with Landline magazine & Teachers in Focus. Her poetry has been published in Sweet Freedom written by Jennifer Slattery. She has been a co-host on [email protected] by Edie Melson. Beth also co-hosts, with four other ladies, Living by Grace, a faith-based Facebook community. Visit her online at: http://firsthalfday1.wordpress.com.