December 6, 2010 Missing Mari, what does that really mean anyway? It means you think about her. For me it means all the time. I don’t know if I’ve had a day without thinking about her at least once. Of course as we get closer to her 11th birthday, it seems more and more often. Thinking about her leads to missing her. Missing her leads to the ache I feel in my heart. In the end, this leads to wishing she was here. Everyone says she is in a better place. Even Keith thinks this as … [Read more...]
“Out of these ashes beauty will rise”
Steven Curtis Chapman has a song that talks about “Out of these ashes beauty will rise.” The ashes represent the tragedy his family endured the day their daughter Maria died. The “beauty [that] will rise” is representative of God’s grace and love that even though something as terrible as losing a child, God is still there through it all. He is seeing you through. I can say I do love this song and the hope it brings. However, my life doesn’t seem to have found the Beauty of it all. I … [Read more...]
Harder to write these days…
These days it seems harder to write yet I miss Mari more and more. I have been having a really hard time as of late just really, desperately missing her wishing so badly that she was still here. Yet at the same time, if she was, I would be dreading the years to come as puberty would be approaching. To be a parent of a child with autism, it is like no other. A child with special needs is so different than parenting a child without. Your life is all consuming around this child. She was all … [Read more...]
Marriage
What do you do when you see something falling apart and you can’t seem to do anything about it? Do you do nothing? Do you try to fix it? If you try to fix it, how long should you go before you give up or do you give up at all? When is enough “enough”? There are so many things in this life that you either give up on so easily or we “try” to fix it but when it just gets too hard or takes too long we just stop. We give up. This is how many marriages fall apart today because, to put it … [Read more...]
Unchoices
When life gets hard, what should you do? Everyone is different and everyone handles their problems in different ways. For the most part, our lives involve different paths and the choices we make to get there. Some choices come by easily and others are difficult to almost impossible to have to make. And then there are the things that happen in our lives that can be called the unchoices. So what exactly is an unchoice you might be asking? Well, this is when something either happens to you … [Read more...]
Driving…
I sit here in our car driving. Today is December 29th. For most people it is just an average day. For some it even brings the special privilege of being their birthday. This day has always brought about special memories for us. However now it just brings sadness and tears to my eyes. Today Mari would have turned 11. I was getting so frustrated with drivers and yelling at them over stupid stuff. Then the tears just started to come down. I had to pull over with the ache that is there in … [Read more...]
Jackie Evancho
I sit here at home recovering for a simple surgery for the last couple of weeks. I am sitting here playing my favorite game on Facebook and I have the TV on in the background. I finished watching this Christmas movie and they announced The Martha Stewart Show was coming on. Of course I have no interest in her show. However, they were saying this 10 year old prodigy was going to be on her show that was found in the show America’s Got Talent. I had never heard of her before but she is known … [Read more...]
An update…
I wanted to give everyone an update. After only being at WalMart for 3 weeks and working the lovely graveyard shift, I was interviewed for a new position and promoted to a Department Manager. I officially started the new position about 3 1/2 weeks ago and love it. It is right up my ally. As my hubby would say, it fits right into how I like being anally organized. It is a lot of fun and I still very exhausted at the end of the day as I have been on my feet for eight hours. The other great … [Read more...]
A Day in the Life of a Grieving Mommy
She is just a simple mom who’s world was turned upside down in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Her world already had many obstacles and hardships to overcome. Some people said she was brave. Yet others would said how strong or patient she was. She could not imagine her world getting any harder than it already was. Yet God had different plans for her life. Plans she never thought possible. Plans that somehow seem cruel and how could God do this to anyone let alone this simple … [Read more...]
Facebook…
I sit here at 5:16 in the morning playing a game on Facebook. It is a game I have truly come to love to play. I play it on a daily basis. I introduced it to Keith and he plays it right along with me. It is nice to have something we both love playing together. Since I have started playing the game, I have not written anything. I sometimes feel like I am letting me or others down but it has been nice to just not have to think about things all the time. A little over 3 weeks ago I went in … [Read more...]
