I think back to 15 years ago today and my world was about to permanently change. Right now it’s 10:15 a.m., Alaskan time, but in the Chicago area it’s one fifteen in the afternoon. At this point, the doctor had started the Pitocin and I was about three hours into delivering Mariana. I was a little less than six hours away from giving birth to her. She took us from being a two to a three. Our little miracle was coming into the world. Little did we know that only eight-and-a-half short years later … [Read more...]
Going through Mari’s stuff
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve started going through Mari’s stuff. I still remember the day we went into the house we’d been renting and sat there packing up every single item that either was Mari’s or we needed for her. Nothing got thrown away. Even her juice cups and light switch covers all got saved. At that point, Mari may have been gone about two to two-and-a-half months. I felt like if I threw something away belonging to her, somehow it’s like I was throwing her away. My grief wouldn’t … [Read more...]
Seeing the Gift
Wow, it's hard to believe that Mari's book is done. I entered the last of the edits to part 2 and sent it off to my editor (my dear sweet friend Deirdre). This day has been almost six years in the making. A week from tonight I will be on a plane heading toward Chicago as I go visit family. But even bigger than this is the reason I'm heading out that way to begin with. ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers) is having their annual writing conference September 25-27 in St. Louis, MO. I'm … [Read more...]
Was or Is?
I sit here thinking of Mari today. Time is moving one step at a time closer to the six year mark for Mari being gone. Can you believe it’s been six years already? I think back on all the times I wrote about time after she passed, especially that first year or so. The fact is that time continued its ever present trek forward no matter how much we’d rather have had it go backward for either more time with our little girl or for us to somehow change the outcome. Yet, we all know that’s not … [Read more...]
Z is for Zoom Zoom #AtoZchallenge #acfw
Zoom zoom. When I think of Mari and her constant energy, I think of her zoom zooming all over the place. She was constantly on the go doing something. Mari would be in her room playing. She lined up whatever it is she's playing with. Then she would flap her little arms and go, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." I still don't know exactly why she did that but I think maybe she just needed to make her sounds. It helped her in someway. As she would draw on her Magna Doodle drawing whatever new picture she was … [Read more...]
X is for eXceptional #AtoZchallenge
When I think of exceptional I think of Mari, and I could talk about everything I think that is exceptional about Mari but I think I've done that already this month. However, as many of you know I've been writing a memoir about what happened with our daughter and how we lost her. In the story I'm including some very special pictures that were taken by a very special man who has a big heart. His name is Todd Hochberg. He is a professional photographer who gives of his time to those parents who … [Read more...]
V is for Vibrant #atozchallenge
The word 'vibrant'. When I think of this word immediately Mari's sweet angelic face pops in my head. I can see her vivid blue eyes. Her bright shining smile. She had a zest for life I think most people wish they could have. I sit here thinking back on Mari's life, and while there are those time that made raising her very hard due to her autism and her inability to be able to communicate and understand safety awareness, she was a very happy little girl. Her vibrancy seemed almost contagious at … [Read more...]
U is for Unique #atozchallenge
A uniquely different kind of girl. Mari had one of those personality that sticks with you. If you'd met her, you remember her for the spunky little thing that she was. She rarely got upset but when she did you heard about it. She'd be playing with a toy and every seemed to be going fine when all of a sudden she'd scream at whatever it was she was playing with or doing, then either throw it or destroy whatever it was she was making. I know so many children who have autism have meltdowns on a … [Read more...]
T is for Time #atozchallenge
Time, is there really ever enough of it? No, not really. How many times have you heard someone say they wish they just had two or three more hours in a day to do something? I've heard it many times throughout my lifetime. It's probably been like this since the beginning. However, no matter how much we would wish it to be true, we will always have just twenty-four hours in a day. The thing is even if we did have those two or three more hours in a day those wouldn't seem enough either. We'd … [Read more...]
S is for Special Education #atozchallenge #specialeducation
One of the most impactual things to happen in Mari's life was her schooling. From the time she was only two-years-old, Mari started attending the Early Intervention Program that was part of the Chicago Heights School District. She was apart of this program until we moved in September 2004 to DeKalb. She started in an Early Childhood program there but the teacher, while she was a really nice woman, was very honest with me when she said she didn't know what to do to help Mari and her autism. Of … [Read more...]
