I typically sit in my house during the day by myself, with no TV on or a radio playing in the background. It's just quiet (other than my puppy and kitty playing). But today I decided to open Windows Media Center and play some of my songs. Then I got to thinking about Natalie Grant's song. My cousin Tracey had sent me her CD Awaken about two months after Mari had died and the song "Held" struck me right to the heart. These are the words, and to hear the song is even more powerful. I just thought … [Read more...]
Sitting in class…
Tonight I sit here in my creative writing nonfiction class and I 'm having such a hard time concentrating. I wish I'd stayed home instead of coming to class. I feel bad because I wasn't as prepared as I'd normally have been. I had only fully read one of the two stories. I had only read about the first third of the second story and about the last third. I briefly skimmed through the middle section. I felt totally unprepared when it came to the quiz tonight. He asked three questions from each … [Read more...]
Loneliness
Today is a day of utter loneliness. I can’t explain it. All I want to do is just sit here and cry. I'm at home all alone. I really don’t feel like talking to anyone, yet I wish someone was here. Keith is at work. Those that I do call are either not answering their phones or they're out and about running errands. I know it's not anyone’s job to keep me company or help me to feel better. I just wish I didn't feel so lonely. The loneliness goes clear to the very bottom of my heart, the depths of my … [Read more...]
Today has been a day
Today has been a good day. I can honestly say I don't have many of those. It seems like they only come now and again any more. Nothing overly exciting happened but nothing sad happened either. To me, that's what makes it a good day. I believe I told everyone earlier that I joined Facebook at the end of November. Considering everything that has happened in my life, especially in the last year, it is good to find the little things that can bring a smile to your face (even if others don’t like … [Read more...]
Today is 8 months
It amazes me how one can mess up time when one does not want time to move forward anyways. Last month I thought Mari had been gone eight months. I even wrote about it. Then when it was getting closer to this month mark of her being gone, I started to think about it. There should only be three months until she has been gone for one year, but when I started to count there were 4 months. The math just did not add up. So last month she'd actually only been gone for seven months. Why does it feel … [Read more...]
Life In General…
I was just sitting here thinking tonight about life in general. The last 8 months have been more than I ever thought possible. Two days before Mari had gotten sick, my mom’s brother, my Uncle Ray died in his sleep. I believe he was only 62 or 63 years old. I remember growing up and spending the night at his house on Christmas Eve with our ENTIRE BIG family. I think he may have even played Santa a few times. That was our first huge blow for the year. Then Mari got sick. We all know how that … [Read more...]
T’was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
I am asking for everyone's help. I have rewritten a poem that is a dedication to Mari. If everyone could please read it and give me your comments, I would appreciate it more than you know. I have also put "T'was the Night Before Christmas" below my poem so you can put them side by side. My hope is that you feel my poem matches up with this poem. Thanks in advance for everyone's help with this. Kristena T’was the night before our lives changed, forever in our house, No one could have known, … [Read more...]
Preacakes
It is Saturday morning and I have just woken up. Daddy is still sleeping beside me as he has had a long week at work in the recruiting office. They usually are. It is about 10:15 in the morning. I have awoken to the sound of our eight year old little angel singing her heart out through the monitor. She is singing one of her very favorite song, “Rescue pack, comin’ to the rescue …” It is from one of her favorite shows Diego, the Animal Rescuer. I lay in bed awhile longer trying to just rest … [Read more...]
Suddenly and Out of the Blue, It Hits You
Tonight happens to be a hard night for me. It just literally came out the blue. Today seemed to be going fine. I have been working on my new website I hope to have up and running within the next month. I was watching my third movie for the day. All of the movies I watched today have been all happy, feel good movies. Keith and I were having a DiGiorno Garlic Bread Pepperoni pizza. I had just taken it out of the oven. And then I started thinking about when we lived in the house just previous … [Read more...]
Time and How Precious It Really Is
I think about how time can be more precious than most really think about or even care to think about. Because if we think about how precious time really is we then begin to realize that it is not infinite. We only have a limited amount of time, each and everyone of us, here on this earth. When our time is up, it is up. There is no amount of begging or pleading that can keep us here or those that we love. I can remember sitting in the hospital at the beginning of her getting sick and just … [Read more...]
