It seems like recently everything has been going okay. I’ve been doing okay. We left on Thursday to go down to Ft. Knox, Kentucky. Keith just received his orders to report there on April 26. What we found out is that housing is of a valued commodity. We only saw two places, and those two may not even be available by the time we get down there. I guess it is what it is.

On the way back home on Saturday, Keith and I talked about how we need to seriously start thinking about getting a second vehicle (remember, he blew the engine in his car back in October). He started looking online Saturday night and found a used vehicle that he like for a little over six thousand dollars. The deciding factor as to whether we seriously move forward with buying another vehicle now or waiting until we get down to Ft. Knox, Kentucky is how much money we get back on our tax return.

I was way too tired to start it that night so I went to bed. The next morning we headed off for church. We were home around noon. I didn’t start it right away. Later that afternoon, I finally sat down, logged on to TurboTax.com and signed in with our username and password (I have used them for several years now). Our information immediately comes up. And guess who, for some reason, is still sitting there in black and white: Mariana. I didn’t know what to do. I thought last year that once I put in the date she passed away that Turbo Tax, in its infinite wisdom, would’ve deleted her off for this year. But I was completely wrong.

I asked Keith, “Do I delete Mariana off?” He said, “I don’t know.” So I went through their little walk through help, but that didn’t help me at all. So, I ultimately just deleted her off. It felt so strange to have to “delete” her.

I was talking to a friend last night who was trying to help and said that it was just the taxes and that we did not delete her per say but we were only updating our tax returns. I told her no, that isn’t it at all. It’s like we’re deleting her out of our lives. It may be hard for some to understand but in doing that simple little act of deleting her off our return is like losing her again. It makes it so permanent. It’s almost like letting her go all over again. I know that she has been gone for over a year and a half but it’s times like these that I miss her so much.

I love you, Baby Girl, and Mommy misses you so much.

Love Mommy