Because losing Mari has been the hardest thing I've ever been through but with time my wounded heart has slowly begun to heal. When someone said that losing a child is the hardest thing anyone would have to deal with, that couldn't be more of an understatement. Mari died four and a half years ago and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. The pain can be so raw that I sob. The tears pour from my eyes. Even though four and a half years may seem like a while, it really isn't. I know that … [Read more...]
G is for giving
As you can't help giving your heart to Mari as she enters it for good. It never seemed to amaze me how captivating our daughter was. Here laughter could draw in almost anyone. It was infectious. I loved when she was sitting in her high chair eating and out of the blue she would start to giggle. You looked at where you thought she was but there wasn't anything there. She sort of had this far off look. She had escaped into Mari's world. I can imagine what her world was like as she was … [Read more...]
B is for Beautiful
The beautiful miracle we know as Mari. Keith and I were told we couldn't get pregnant the old-fashioned way. Between Keith having his issues and me having mine, we were told IVF was the only way I'd get preggers. I still remember sitting in a Piazza Hut with Keith, my mom, and her husband at the time. A few tables away sat a family with a baby that was big enough to sit in a high chair. I looked at him and yearned to have one of my own. Tears formed in my eyes. My mom looked where I was … [Read more...]
19 Years Today
It's hard to believe that nineteen years ago today my husband, Keith, and I went to the justice of the peace with our friends Tina Davis, Michael Brooks and his wife Courtney. They watched us as we took our vows and became husband and wife that day. The last nineteen years have been fraught with ups, down and one tragedy. Most marriages would have ended by now, probably ten times over. But each and every time we have persevered through it all. Do I or Keith take credit for this? No. It is … [Read more...]
Day 12: Patience
Let me just say that of all the gifts God has bestowed upon me, patience is not one of them. I might be good at things like scrapbooking, crocheting, cross stitching, computers, and even writing. But I have such a low threshold for being patient. Don't get me wrong, man do I wish it was better. I have come to accept this lack of quality as it is. It is something I have to work on on a day in and day out basis. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Mari. It was June 12, 1999, only … [Read more...]
Timing…
Time. It's a strange thing. Sometimes it seems as though time goes on forever and in others it feels like there is never enough. For me recently, it seems like time is just slipping away. We now have less than three months until our official move to Alaska starts. The Army will come to pack up our home (tentatively) April 15. Keith's final day of clearing will be on April 19. And then we start on our long adventure as we drive across the United States, stopping along the way to either visit … [Read more...]
Special Unforgettable Moments
I think we all have those special unforgettable moments in our life. Some heartwarming that just make you smile while others are gut-wrenching heartache. We never know when those moments will happen but when they do you know it. For me one of those moments was the day I found out I was pregnant with Mari. Keith and I have infertility issues. After having many test done and procedures performed we were told that the only way we would be able to have children biologically is to have IVF … [Read more...]
A Sad Day
I was walking on my treadmill this morning like I do almost on a daily basis as I try to strengthen my hip. I had been reading a book by Lynette Bonner when my mother-in-law called. She just called to chat. My cell phone sat on the treadmill in front of me. I have the Fox News App on my iPhone. About an hour and ten minutes into talking to Mom and walking I get a news alert stating this: “BREAKING NEWS: Reports of Multiple Fatalities at Conn. Elementary School.” I told mom that there has … [Read more...]
Sitting here thinking
I sit here staring at my precious baby girl’s slide show on this very site. There are so many of her from all different ages. From when she had longer hair to when we finally cut it short so she’d quite using her hair as a chewing device. The little smile that stares back at you cuts right into my soul. It is something I miss all the time. I haven’t just looked at the pictures in a while and tonight I posted something on the site and then sat there staring at the slide show remember all the … [Read more...]
Unexpected turns in the road…
Life has a funny way of dictating the path it wants to take you on whether you want to go that way or not. I guess you could say I’ve had my fair share of bumps, bruise, and downright avalanches in my lifetime. You never really know which way your life will go. You just have to follow the road before you and when a fork comes your way, choose the path and take it forward without looking back as there isn’t a way to change anything anyway. Tonight I sat here play on Facebook a couple of … [Read more...]
