Are there actually signs or messages from above? Do they actually lead us down a path if we choose to follow? Are they there so obvious that if you choose not to follow it you come to regret that later? Are you too stubborn to follow them because it's not according to plans we have for ourselves? I think the answer almost every time is a great big yes. We are all selfish by nature. Of course we think about ourselves and what we think will be best for us. But no matter how great or how grand … [Read more...]
Unexpected turns in the road…
Life has a funny way of dictating the path it wants to take you on whether you want to go that way or not. I guess you could say I’ve had my fair share of bumps, bruise, and downright avalanches in my lifetime. You never really know which way your life will go. You just have to follow the road before you and when a fork comes your way, choose the path and take it forward without looking back as there isn’t a way to change anything anyway. Tonight I sat here play on Facebook a couple of … [Read more...]
Missing Her…
I sit here thinking about my beloved angel today and how much she is missed. I was looking at one of her pictures up on the wall and at how truly beautiful she was at just 5. Then I started to look at some of her other pictures. This got me to thinking about what she would have looked like once she was an adult. I think she would have been one of those adults that when people looked at her they would have thought she had such natural beauty. Unfortunately, we will never get to know. All we … [Read more...]
Singing…
January 2 I sit here in church service. Right away they start by singing. The tears start to well up and I have to leave. I still have a hard time just being able to sing in church. It is so hard for me. Somehow it just makes me miss Mari all the more. She would always love the singing portion of church service. She would sing in her own special way. She would sometimes flap her arms in excitement. She truly loved the singing. I think I just truly miss that with her not here … [Read more...]
Missing the imporant moments
December 13, 2010 I am driving in my car this morning and the roads are kind of nasty from the snow we got yesterday. I finally plug in my iPhone so I can listen to my iPod. Last night on the way home from work I decided to play Steven Curtis Chapman’s CD “Beauty Will Rise.” This CD was written and created after the tragic death of his youngest daughter Maria. Maria passed away on May 21, 2008, only a little less than 2 months before Mari did. His CD is one of the ways he dealt with … [Read more...]
Playing Games
December 7, 2010 Can you imagine loving to play a game so much that you allow yourself to stay up later than you should because you have to go to work the next day. Well, Keith and I both love playing the same game and we stay up way too late. Last night was another one of those nights. We finally got to bed about 11:30pm. Then we sat talking for a few minutes. I think we both finally headed off to never-never land around midnight. This morning when I woke up I was more tired than I … [Read more...]
Harder to write these days…
These days it seems harder to write yet I miss Mari more and more. I have been having a really hard time as of late just really, desperately missing her wishing so badly that she was still here. Yet at the same time, if she was, I would be dreading the years to come as puberty would be approaching. To be a parent of a child with autism, it is like no other. A child with special needs is so different than parenting a child without. Your life is all consuming around this child. She was all … [Read more...]
Marriage
What do you do when you see something falling apart and you can’t seem to do anything about it? Do you do nothing? Do you try to fix it? If you try to fix it, how long should you go before you give up or do you give up at all? When is enough “enough”? There are so many things in this life that you either give up on so easily or we “try” to fix it but when it just gets too hard or takes too long we just stop. We give up. This is how many marriages fall apart today because, to put it … [Read more...]
Unchoices
When life gets hard, what should you do? Everyone is different and everyone handles their problems in different ways. For the most part, our lives involve different paths and the choices we make to get there. Some choices come by easily and others are difficult to almost impossible to have to make. And then there are the things that happen in our lives that can be called the unchoices. So what exactly is an unchoice you might be asking? Well, this is when something either happens to you … [Read more...]
Driving…
I sit here in our car driving. Today is December 29th. For most people it is just an average day. For some it even brings the special privilege of being their birthday. This day has always brought about special memories for us. However now it just brings sadness and tears to my eyes. Today Mari would have turned 11. I was getting so frustrated with drivers and yelling at them over stupid stuff. Then the tears just started to come down. I had to pull over with the ache that is there in … [Read more...]
