I sit here today actually feeling ok for the moment. It seems like most days are either ok or they are just sad and lonely. I was sitting here in my house yesterday and feeling utterly lonely. I was looking at Mari’s photos up on my mantel for her dedication wall. I sat here on my couch taking a break from my new website I have been trying to get up and running and was just looking. I thought about how it feels like just yesterday she was here. It feels like sometimes that she should be … [Read more...]
Suddenly and Out of the Blue, It Hits You
Tonight happens to be a hard night for me. It just literally came out the blue. Today seemed to be going fine. I have been working on my new website I hope to have up and running within the next month. I was watching my third movie for the day. All of the movies I watched today have been all happy, feel good movies. Keith and I were having a DiGiorno Garlic Bread Pepperoni pizza. I had just taken it out of the oven. And then I started thinking about when we lived in the house just previous … [Read more...]
Sitting Here Dazed and Confused
I sit here in a complete and utter daze right now. To think that it has been 6 months seems so overwhelming in the scope of things. I have gotten pretty bad about checking my mail. My husband went and got the mail from the mailbox today and brought in a huge stack. In that stack was a big manila envelope. It was from Mari’s teacher that she had from February 15, 2005 until December, 2007 right before Christmas break. Because I fought so hard for my precious baby girl I was able to get her into … [Read more...]
6 months have come and gone
It is hard to believe that as I sit here typing this that 6 months have gone by since Mariana passed away. Sometimes I just sit here and wonder how this could be. I mean a year ago at this time we had just moved into our new home. Keith had finally gotten his orders for the Oak Lawn recruiting station to become a station commander there. We were getting ready to have both Keith's and Mari's 8th birthday party together here in the next couple of weeks. She was in her new school and she was … [Read more...]
What do you say to someone who has lost a child?
It seems no one really know what to say to someone when that person has lost a child. You can tell that everyone around you is uncomfortable to talk about the child you have lost. It seems that they are always afraid of saying the wrong thing. I was listening to the radio this morning and there happened to be a small segment on how to cope with the loss of a child. For the most part, it did not apply to me because it was dealing with the loss of a child when you know that your child is … [Read more...]
Went to see Movie, It’s wasn’t supposed to be sad
It seems like in life it does not matter what we do or what we say, we can always be reminded of what we don’t want to be reminded of at all. Keith and I went to see a movie last night. I wanted to see a comedy because I needed something to pick me up and help me to laugh. So we looked at the preview for “Marley and Me”. The previews they show for this movie are hilarious and I will tell you that most of the movie will keep you in stitches laughing. It is such a cute movie. I do not want to ruin … [Read more...]
T’was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
T’was the night before our lives changed, forever in our house, No one could have known, not even a mouse. For our hopes hung in the balance with all human care, In the hopes that our prayers would be answered right there. The people who loved her went off to their beds, While they laid there and slept or prayed in their heads. And daddy had his hope, and mommy had her fears, Because the next morning might bring about our tears. We arose the next morning to hear so much clatter, As … [Read more...]
Mari’s 9th birthday was today
Today is Mari’s birthday, or at least it would have been. She would have turned 9 years old. I think back to 9 years ago and how I had a very difficult time delivering her. She had an extremely hard time coming into this world. It seems like she has always been a fighter. She always fought for what SHE wanted. It did not matter what anyone else wanted. Mari would have had such a good time today. All of her cousins from her daddy’s side were here today, her aunt’s and some of her uncles, and … [Read more...]
Back from Hawaii
I sit here on our flight from Hawaii back to Chicago. It amazes me how quickly this past week and a half went by. We had Christmas in Hawaii. For the first time in my life I was not excited about the holiday so many people always love and cherish. For me, it is just a reminder of what I am missing and how much I miss her. I sit here on our flight just trying not to cry. The pain is so deep and still so fresh. I know it has been over 5 months yet it still feels like yesterday that we lost her. … [Read more...]
Time and How Precious It Really Is
I think about how time can be more precious than most really think about or even care to think about. Because if we think about how precious time really is we then begin to realize that it is not infinite. We only have a limited amount of time, each and everyone of us, here on this earth. When our time is up, it is up. There is no amount of begging or pleading that can keep us here or those that we love. I can remember sitting in the hospital at the beginning of her getting sick and just … [Read more...]
