No, I'm not running for office but wouldn't it be interesting if I did. It's never been an ambition of mine. First of all, I'd have to get up in front of hundreds of people all the time. No Thank You. Public Speaking has never been my thing. I literally start to shake and my stomachs starts flipping wheelies because I get so nervous. I honestly don't know how the people who do it do do it. Even with my fear of public speaking, I've had something leaning on my heart in the last year or so that, … [Read more...]
Helping Others
When you help someone else how does that make you feel? For me, I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. It lets me know I'm doing the right thing. If I were to do something for only self-satisfying reason, there isn't that good feeling that comes with it. You feel kind of icky after it's all said and done and you've had time to think about it. I always think back to Mari and her time in the hospital. On the day the "Doom and Gloom Squad" sat us down one final time to tell us that our beautiful … [Read more...]
A Broken Heart is an Open Heart
Grief and bereavement is a long and difficult journey. Even if the loss is imminent and you think you are prepared, there is no adequate preparation in the end. The agony of losing a loved one, particularly a beloved child who should have long outlived you, is acute and sudden yet also seemingly never-ending. When I lost my niece a few years ago the intensity of the grief I felt overwhelmed me. Yet somehow, in the process of both recovering from my own sense of loss and helping my sister - who … [Read more...]
Laura Story
I sit here this morning doing homeschool with my niece/daughter. I have KLove on in the background. I just started doing this yesterday. It’s nice to have uplifting, encouraging music in the background during the day. As I sat here moving my paper planner for the school year into a program on my computer, a song came on the radio that I have heard played many times before. I know the words and almost always sing to the song as it flows out through my speakers. The funny thing is the words … [Read more...]
L is for Loving
Because loving Mari was, and still is, so easy to do. When you are pregnant with your first child everyone tells you that the moment your baby is born you will be filled with so much love that there are no words to describe the amount of love that fills your heart to capacity to the point of even spilling over. You question how can that possibly happen. There are no answers that can describe it. It just does. I remember shopping in Wal-Mart one day with my mother-in-law and she told me … [Read more...]
It’s kind of amazing…
It kind of amazes me how I started writing. It has taken me a while to even admit that I am writer (out loud). It sounded so foreign to me yet now it is the exact opposite. I am about to write something that for some may come across the wrong way. I need everyone to understand that I truly love my daughter and I would give anything to have her back. She was my pride and joy and that will never change. However, God didn’t plan for her to stay on this earth longer than her eight and half years … [Read more...]
What does the word “savior” mean to you?
The word “savior” can have so many meanings to so many different people. You can think of someone as their savior because this person saved him or her from a difficult or awkward situation. You thank them for being there when you needed them. When I think of savior I think of it in two different ways. One way is how many people were like our little saviors helping us through the difficult time of Mari being in the hospital or after she died. The other way, and the main way for me anyway, … [Read more...]
A Day in the Life of a Grieving Mommy
She is just a simple mom who’s world was turned upside down in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Her world already had many obstacles and hardships to overcome. Some people said she was brave. Yet others would said how strong or patient she was. She could not imagine her world getting any harder than it already was. Yet God had different plans for her life. Plans she never thought possible. Plans that somehow seem cruel and how could God do this to anyone let alone this simple … [Read more...]
Sitting here thinking…
I sit here thinking about Mari. I think I always think about her just sometimes more than others. But right now I am really missing her. I was talking to my dad a couple of days ago. His cell decided to call me out of the blue. When I answered all you could hear in the background was rustling around. So you knew right then that he did not call and the cell phone had a mind of its own. So I called him back just in case. He said that he must of accidently pushed the speed dial button … [Read more...]
Tangible Things
The only thing tangible left are pictures (and a couple of videos) taken of Mari from the time she was born until the day she died (literally). We have them of her while she was in the hospital when she was first born and we have them of her in the hospital when she was dying. It’s almost like it represents the cycle of life everyone goes through. We all are born and we all must die someday when our time is up on this earth. But with Mari, her time just seemed so short. It seems like that … [Read more...]
