In life as each day goes by we create memories. For the most part most of those memories aren't that important so we forget about them. But the important ones sometimes feel like they embed themselves into our brains. When my daughter died I knew I couldn't go back and live in the house where all I had surrounding me were memories of her. Pictures on the wall. Her silly cups. Her food. Her bedroom. I was a stay at home mom of a child with severe autism whose life completely revolved around my … [Read more...]
Day 91: Naming Names
In life we have all been given a name at birth, typically by our parents. My name, Kristena, is a rather common name in the way it is pronounced. The most common spelling is Christina, with Kristina in a close second. But then you have my spelling. When you first saw my name did you catch that it had an 'e' in it? If you're like most you didn't. That's normal. Whereas the spelling of my name some might say is abnormal. To me that doesn't sound right. I like to think of the spelling as … [Read more...]
Day 87: Lessons of Drama
Which one of these paragraphs has more of an emotional effect? Mom stared off into the distance. Her mouth didn't move. Her hands stayed in her lap. One tear trailed down the side of her face. She stood and walked out of the room. Mom longingly stared off in the distance. Her stoic mouth didn't move at all. Her hands stayed perfectly still in her lap. One lonely little tear made its way down the side of her face. She gracefully stood and gently walked out of the room. I hope you said … [Read more...]
Day 86: Looking vs. Seeing
Have you ever been told before that you might be looking at something but you're not seeing it? I think we all have at some point. An example is my daughter Mari. When we would go into a store and Mari would have a meltdown, people would look at her but that is just the outside they were seeing. They wouldn't stop to think that maybe there's a reason she is acting like this. So in other words, they looked at her outside, but they never saw the inner beauty of Mari as they rushed to judge not … [Read more...]
Day 84: How to Be a Writer
There's an age-old saying that says "patience is a virtue." However, God skipped the boat with me on that front. Sometimes I can feel the frustration boiling up to where my lid could blow a hole through the roof. I know my voice can suddenly shoot up to screaming in a second. This has been a flaw of mine since I can remember. Through all of this, God decided in His infinite wisdom that I could handle a blond hair, Caribbean blue-eyed beautiful little girl who happened to have severe classic … [Read more...]
Taxes, Oh What Fun
I meant to get this written back on April 15 but with the move to Alaska things have been a little bit busy. Almost two years ago my husband and I took full legal guardianship of our niece Athena and our nephew Trevin. Trevin came to us on July 17, 2011 and Athena came on August 2, 2011. And guess when the cut off time for being able to claim them on our taxes? That right, June 30, 2011. My brother was fine with us claiming them because we spent a lot of money to not only get them here with … [Read more...]
Day 79: What Does Your Mother Think?
I have to admit that when I write about anything personal that I try not to write something that might hurt my mom's feelings. For me, my writing is important to me and I try to be as free as I can. However, to put something down on paper that might later hurt my mom, even if what I say is true, I don't feel it's worth it to hurt her if I can help it. The bottom line is she's my mom and always will be. Has my life been this picture perfect life where my childhood was something other people … [Read more...]
V is for Vivacious
Mari always had a vivacious personality that made her seem larger than life. I think back on Mari's life and I love how it seemed like when she was in the room she filled the room with spunk and spontaneity. She could always find something to do, especially when it involved things she wasn't supposed to do. For example, white walls were her canvas. And she wasn't picky with the instrument to use as she used colored pencils, crayons, pens, permanent markers, regular markers. You name it. … [Read more...]
U is for Unconditional
Mari showed everyone every day what true unconditional love really looked like. How much do we wish we could love someone unconditionally. I think the closest someone could truly love someone else this way is the parent/child relationship. When it came to Mari I loved her with all my heart. No matter how hard or difficult things could get I loved her. Sometimes in those moments of frustration you say things you don't mean. That is when the emotional roller coaster is leading the charge. If … [Read more...]
S is for Serious
Seriously, Mari was anything but serious. Autism. In and of itself is some pretty serious stereotypes. Children with autism don't show emotions, especially smiling and absolutely no laughing or giving of hugs. Eye contact. It doesn't happen. Concentration. Almost nonexistent. There are others as well but these ones are typically at the top of the list. I smile because not only did Mari have severe classic autism (on a scale of 1 to 10, Mari was between an 8 or 9), but she broke the mold … [Read more...]
