Recently I was approached and asked if I would like to put my feelings and thoughts about Mari into words here on this blog. I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. Mari's mother and I met over 2 yrs ago and created an instant bond because my son Brian (who is 9 now) has autism also. So as our friendship grew we would rely on each other for support by comparing our experiences no matter what time of day or night regardless of the different time zones. You see I live here in … [Read more...]
Loneliness, how it must feel
The loneliness I feel is like nothing else I have ever experience in my life. It does not matter what I do or who I talk to it is always there. There are times when I can keep myself busy enough not to have to think about the true loneliness I feel but it always comes back. I sit here in my house all alone. I have my puppy sitting on my lap because he does not like to be alone. I have my kitten at my feet because he does not like to be alone. I am glad I have them because they at least keep … [Read more...]
Mari’s World – Can You Just Imagine
Today is a day without our baby girl. It seems like just yesterday that she went to be in heaven. It seem like I just said good bye. I remember that last day with longing before she went to the doctor. I felt so inconvenienced when the school called to tell me that she had a diarrhea. I felt they were making a big deal out of nothing. Who would have ever thought that what seemed like a day of inconvenience at the time would be a day I would take back in a heartbeat. Who would ever have thought … [Read more...]
Memories…
The Memories, they run so deep. They are so dear. What would we do in this life if we didn’t have the memories of those that we loved and then lost. I think we would be lost. There would be this black hole that would just suck us in. But then again, if we didn’t have memories, there would nothing to be missed. We would never understand or know what we were missing. The memories we have are so bitter sweet. We know that without the memories it might be easier. We know without the memories we … [Read more...]
Time…
Why do people always seem to say that “time heals all wounds”. I think those people have never been through a real tragedy in their own lives. No matter how you look at it, time has always been here. Whether it is in our past, our present, or our future, time is always involved. Time has always been there through everything we have done or been through in our lives. Time is there in every moment we live each day. And time will continue it’s never ending cycle for the rest of our lives. Let … [Read more...]
Tomorrow…
Will tomorrow ever come? It feels as though it is far off in the distance. If tomorrow were to come there might be peace that could come to my heart. But tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow is only in my dreams. Tomorrow has sunshine. Tomorrow has the sun shining brightly and the Angel looking down on me. Tomorrow seems like a mystical creature of another world. The reality is if tomorrow were here I would not feel this ache in the bottom of my stomach. If tomorrow were here I would not feel this … [Read more...]
We Miss Her So Much…
The loss of a child, how deep it must go. Are there really words to describe the utter despair one feels. It is as if our entire world has crumbled yet we are still supposed to go on living our day to day lives as if everything is the same. But it is not. Nothing will ever be the same. How are we supposed to face each day without our beloved little one that we have taken care of since the day he or she was born. Everyone tells us to just take it moment by moment or one day at a time and yet that … [Read more...]
