All I can say is, “Boy what a night last night.” Keith and I typically go to bed, what might seem for most people, rather late. It seems like if we are starting to get ready for bed by 11 o’clock or midnight that it is an early night for us. We both are such night owls as we usually are going to bed around 1 or 2 in the morning and sometimes even later. Well, last night did not start off as a good night once we got upstairs and settling down for the night. As it was, I was very tired. … [Read more...]
Strength…
Strength: Where does it come from? Everyone always wants to tell me how strong I am for how I am today with dealing with the death of Mari. And I used to think the same thing when I saw a parent and how they were dealing with the death of a child. I would think to myself how incredibly strong that person must be to be dealing with the loss. The strength they have inside themselves must be so incredibly strong to be able to get through this incredibly hard time. I know I could never be that … [Read more...]
Talking from the heart…
Today I sit here thinking about how life can turn out so differently than you could have expected. Keith and I went to church this morning like we have started to do on a more regular basis since the Sunday before Thanksgiving. We decided to just try Sunday School since I haven't been able to handle going to church service at that point. That very first Sunday going to our brand new class I broke down and told everyone about Mari. It's the Sunday before Thanksgiving so you can imagine what … [Read more...]
Contemplating Christmas
T'is the season of joy, happiness & love, or at least that is how it used to be. Last year, what would've been our first Christmas without Mari, we got to escape and go to Hawaii. I didn't have to deal with the glaring reality of her not being here. Now this year has come. It's technically our second Christmas season. But the reality is so different. This is like it's our first one without her instead. It feels like ever since Thanksgiving Day I've been just getting by. Almost like … [Read more...]
The One
I sit here thinking of the one not here, the one not far from my mind but ever-present. The one has a mind like no one can fathom, a mind all one's own with no care in the world. The mind can do wondrous things, to help us to cope or simply get by. However, the mind of the one is all unique and blessed, the one knows no wrong or gets scared of the rest. The one's fears are only in the head of the one's dreams, for this person may have seemed to be unreal to those … [Read more...]
Mariana: A Personality Exuded
Mariana is my eight-and-a-half-year-old little angel who may be as misunderstood as how her name is pronounced. Her name is not Mary-anne-a but instead Mari‑ē‑awe‑na. For short, everyone calls her Mari. She may have a shortened nickname, but she is anything but short on personality. She can walk into a room and bring life to a stagnant crowd. The energy she exudes brings those around her back to a child like state. I often say, “If we could bottle up all her energy we might be able to light … [Read more...]
Time Keeps on Treking
It seems as though time continues to trek on. Time is a never-ending cycle of both grief and happiness all rolled into one. A little over a year ago I lost the one thing most precious to me and that was my baby girl, Mariana. Mari is always thought about and missed. For anyone who was fortunate enough to meet her their lives were forever imprinted and changed to have known her. She had such a special spirit about her. She had an infectious laugh where sometimes she would just start laughing … [Read more...]
Mother’s Day is Here
It's officially Mother’s Day. A day of celebrating our mother’s or to be celebrated by our children. Today should be a day of utter happiness and excitement. To be remembered for just being the women who are loved by those around us. If Mari was here today she wouldn't even understand what today was. Keith would be the one to go and get me a gift and say it was from our little girl. She'd just be her normal, everyday self not realizing that it’s a day to celebrate me. A day to say, “I … [Read more...]
Comments and Feedback
A friend of mine told me she comes to this website everyday to see what I have posted and is disappointed when there isn't anything. I am going to try something new. I want to try to post at least one thing a day just to let you all know how I am doing. Sometimes I will just tell you how my day went and other times I will write out something like I usually post. I hope everyone will like this. Please keep your comments coming as I love to hear feedback from those who care about me, Mari and … [Read more...]
To The Love Of My Life – married 15 years February 18
To the man I love You are my partner, my friend You are the one I choose to not live my life without You have become my everything I don’t know exactly when this happened But you are why I am here today You have shown me what patience looks like You have shown me what true unconditional love really is You have shown me that God really does work in mysterious ways Mari is gone and you are here We are here We are there for each other in both the good days and the bad When trouble comes you have … [Read more...]
