I was sitting here tonight thinking about Mari. Keith and I went to a new grief support group specifically for parents who have lost a child they were still raising, so the child they lost were under eighteen for the most part. It was nice to go to a group that for the first time truly understood what it was like to lose a child well before their time. Most of the children seemed to have died from a disease like cancer or a sudden death. Mari’s is still hard for me to classify as it wasn't … [Read more...]
When We Think of 4th of July
When we think of 4th of July, we think of celebrations and get togethers. Get togethers with family. Get togethers with friends. Get togethers with co-workers. Get togethers with strangers. It's a time of celebrations and fun. A time to enjoy each others company. A time to reminisce with those you haven't seen in a while. A time to enjoy the fireworks and festivities. A time to enjoy parades. A time to enjoy the children’s faces light up over seeing the fireworks show or writing … [Read more...]
Mother’s Day is Here
It's officially Mother’s Day. A day of celebrating our mother’s or to be celebrated by our children. Today should be a day of utter happiness and excitement. To be remembered for just being the women who are loved by those around us. If Mari was here today she wouldn't even understand what today was. Keith would be the one to go and get me a gift and say it was from our little girl. She'd just be her normal, everyday self not realizing that it’s a day to celebrate me. A day to say, “I … [Read more...]
T’was the Night Before Our Lives Changed
I am asking for everyone's help. I have rewritten a poem that is a dedication to Mari. If everyone could please read it and give me your comments, I would appreciate it more than you know. I have also put "T'was the Night Before Christmas" below my poem so you can put them side by side. My hope is that you feel my poem matches up with this poem. Thanks in advance for everyone's help with this. Kristena T’was the night before our lives changed, forever in our house, No one could have known, … [Read more...]
Music of the Heart
I was not sure if I could handle going back to church this morning. I have tried two times since Mari passed. Each time I could not make it through. I sit here writing this as those around me are singing. Singing was one of the things I used to love to do in church. It meant so much to me and I put my heart and soul into it. I just can’t seem to do that. Singing has always meant so much to me. In my high school youth group is where I was introduced to contemporary Christian songs. I am so … [Read more...]
Mari’s Crayons
I sit here in church today just hoping I will make it through. I found Mari’s crayons she used to color with in my Bible bag this morning. The bag was on the very top shelf of our bedroom closet. Just imagine, it was as if there were dust atop the bag as it had been up on that shelf since we moved into our home in September. I went through the bag just to make sure of what was in there. There they sat; her crayons. When we used to go to church with Mari in tow, this is partly how we could keep … [Read more...]
Wonder and Confusion For What Life Brings Us
Today is a day of wonder and confusion. Earlier this week Keith and I had another tragedy happen in our lives. If you have been on Facebook, and you are one of my “friends” on there, then you know what has happened. The tragedies started 8 months ago and ended on Mari’s 8 month mark of being gone (February 16). In the past 8 months, we have lost Mari, we found out a little over a month ago that Keith’s dad has prostate cancer and then at the end of last month that it is moderately aggressive … [Read more...]
8 Months Have Come and Gone
I sit here contemplating what my life is going to be like without Mariana. It has been 8 months since she passed. Then you are probably thinking, “Well, if it has been 8 months, shouldn’t she already know?” I can tell you first hand that I still don’t know. Eight months ago tomorrow my daughter was still here with us. Eight and half months ago she was still singing, and dancing, and being the bright and shining star we all know and love. Yet now that star is not shining and bright. It has been … [Read more...]
The Value of a Mom’s Tears (or Dad’s)
To me crying is never embarrassing because it is the way I truly express myself. It shows that I am sad. However, tears can make those around you so uncomfortable. I was recently given an article written by Dr. Joyce Brothers. Now she is before most our time (although I have heard of her before) but she wrote something about tears when she lost her husband. I felt that I could turn this article into something that can become applicable for a mother and/or father who has lost a child. When a … [Read more...]
Two Weeks and Two Days
I sit here tonight doing some research for my Biology class. I am supposed to turn in six articles throughout the semester. The articles are supposed to be related to biology somehow. I found a website dedicated to biology a couple of weeks ago. The site publishes several articles every single week. I had printed off several of them so I would be ready when I had to turn them in. But tonight I decided to do some research on topics that were more interesting to me. I found several from the … [Read more...]
