What happens after sixteen years of marriage? Is it still wedded bliss or is it a nightmare you can't wait to get out of? Well if you're lucky, it'll be as close to wedded bliss as the two of you can be. What I mean by wedded bliss is not that when you first start going out and everything feels so fresh and new and you just feel so owey goowey with each other or even that first year of marriage where you can tell the couple is newlyweds. I'm talking about how after sixteen years of marriage … [Read more...]
Mariana: A Personality Exuded
Mariana is my eight-and-a-half-year-old little angel who may be as misunderstood as how her name is pronounced. Her name is not Mary-anne-a but instead Mari‑ē‑awe‑na. For short, everyone calls her Mari. She may have a shortened nickname, but she is anything but short on personality. She can walk into a room and bring life to a stagnant crowd. The energy she exudes brings those around her back to a child like state. I often say, “If we could bottle up all her energy we might be able to light … [Read more...]
Justing Sitting Here…
As I sit here, I am readily thinking of Mari this morning. I sit here with a smile on my face at how that little angel could uplift the lives of so many while at the same time I have a dog at my feet just whining to get up on my lap and have some attention. It amazes me sometimes at how much my life has now changed from over a year ago. I was a stay at home mom taking care of a severely autistic child. My life was almost all-consuming with making sure Mari was watched almost all the time as … [Read more...]
Time Keeps on Treking
It seems as though time continues to trek on. Time is a never-ending cycle of both grief and happiness all rolled into one. A little over a year ago I lost the one thing most precious to me and that was my baby girl, Mariana. Mari is always thought about and missed. For anyone who was fortunate enough to meet her their lives were forever imprinted and changed to have known her. She had such a special spirit about her. She had an infectious laugh where sometimes she would just start laughing … [Read more...]
When We Think of 4th of July
When we think of 4th of July, we think of celebrations and get togethers. Get togethers with family. Get togethers with friends. Get togethers with co-workers. Get togethers with strangers. It's a time of celebrations and fun. A time to enjoy each others company. A time to reminisce with those you haven't seen in a while. A time to enjoy the fireworks and festivities. A time to enjoy parades. A time to enjoy the children’s faces light up over seeing the fireworks show or writing … [Read more...]
It’s coming…
I have really tried not to think about it. Yet it's coming. I don’t want it to come. Yet friends keep reminding me. I wish it'd just go away. Yet I receive a letter in the mail to say I'm being thought about during it. MOTHER’S DAY!! Mother’s Day is coming whether I want it to or not. It's supposed to be a time of celebration for being a mother. Our Mothers, Grandmothers, Great-Grandmothers, and sometimes even Great-Great-Grandmothers are all remembered this day and celebrated as the ones … [Read more...]
Shopping…
Keith and I were sitting here discussing how there's hardly any food in the house. I don’t do the grocery shopping like I used to any more. It’s typically just me at home in the house most of the time. Keith is at work ridiculously long hours Monday through Friday, and then sometimes even on Saturday, especially right now that he's acting first sergeant of his company while his first sergeant is off at first sergeant school. So, my line of thinking is why do we need that much food in the house … [Read more...]
Pictures…
Today I sit here thinking about my wonderful husband. He's been my rock through all of this. He's been the one to help get me through. Keith has been my everything and I'm sure he will continue to be for many years to come. Today has been a good day for me. I haven't cried and I haven't felt as sad as I normally am. This is a good thing. The two paragraphs above were written yesterday. Pictures. All of a sudden I'm sitting here thinking about pictures. I started to think about them … [Read more...]
“Held”…
I typically sit in my house during the day by myself, with no TV on or a radio playing in the background. It's just quiet (other than my puppy and kitty playing). But today I decided to open Windows Media Center and play some of my songs. Then I got to thinking about Natalie Grant's song. My cousin Tracey had sent me her CD Awaken about two months after Mari had died and the song "Held" struck me right to the heart. These are the words, and to hear the song is even more powerful. I just thought … [Read more...]
Missing her…
I miss Mari so much today. I'm not even sure why. I talked with an old family friend I've known since I was probably about four or five years old today. She lost a son a couple of years ago so she knows what it's like to lose a child. She's a good person to talk to. For some reason I keep thinking back to the Saturday, the day after her cerebral hemorrhage and cardiac arrest, and when the PICU attending told us it was the worst CT scan she'd ever seen. How that day it felt like my world … [Read more...]
