I was sitting here tonight thinking about Mari. Keith and I went to a new grief support group specifically for parents who have lost a child they were still raising, so the child they lost were under eighteen for the most part. It was nice to go to a group that for the first time truly understood what it was like to lose a child well before their time. Most of the children seemed to have died from a disease like cancer or a sudden death. Mari’s is still hard for me to classify as it wasn't … [Read more...]
Archives for 2009
Time Keeps on Treking
It seems as though time continues to trek on. Time is a never-ending cycle of both grief and happiness all rolled into one. A little over a year ago I lost the one thing most precious to me and that was my baby girl, Mariana. Mari is always thought about and missed. For anyone who was fortunate enough to meet her their lives were forever imprinted and changed to have known her. She had such a special spirit about her. She had an infectious laugh where sometimes she would just start laughing … [Read more...]
When We Think of 4th of July
When we think of 4th of July, we think of celebrations and get togethers. Get togethers with family. Get togethers with friends. Get togethers with co-workers. Get togethers with strangers. It's a time of celebrations and fun. A time to enjoy each others company. A time to reminisce with those you haven't seen in a while. A time to enjoy the fireworks and festivities. A time to enjoy parades. A time to enjoy the children’s faces light up over seeing the fireworks show or writing … [Read more...]
A Mother’s Love Never Fades
Life’s been a fog, a fuzzy, sad haze As one year has come, a moment we dread What in life can bring so much sadness With lots of tears and feeling so empty It’s a mother’s love and the loss of her child The one that she bore and then buried 8 short years later When her child was born, she had so much hope Her child became part of her everything, making her life finally complete Yet the child had autism, which changes her hopes and dreams They included so many things, but a mother’s … [Read more...]
Approaching 11 months…
We are now approaching eleven months that Mari's been gone. June 16 will be exactly eleven months. Whether we want it to or not, time just continues to carry on. I was going through this site a little while ago and realized that I'd not posted anything new since Mother's day. It's been hard this last month and I know as the day approaches the one year mark it'll continue to get harder. Then I was reading the comment that someone wrote anonymously. What the person said was basically that I … [Read more...]
Mother’s Day is Here
It's officially Mother’s Day. A day of celebrating our mother’s or to be celebrated by our children. Today should be a day of utter happiness and excitement. To be remembered for just being the women who are loved by those around us. If Mari was here today she wouldn't even understand what today was. Keith would be the one to go and get me a gift and say it was from our little girl. She'd just be her normal, everyday self not realizing that it’s a day to celebrate me. A day to say, “I … [Read more...]
It’s coming…
I have really tried not to think about it. Yet it's coming. I don’t want it to come. Yet friends keep reminding me. I wish it'd just go away. Yet I receive a letter in the mail to say I'm being thought about during it. MOTHER’S DAY!! Mother’s Day is coming whether I want it to or not. It's supposed to be a time of celebration for being a mother. Our Mothers, Grandmothers, Great-Grandmothers, and sometimes even Great-Great-Grandmothers are all remembered this day and celebrated as the ones … [Read more...]
Shopping…
Keith and I were sitting here discussing how there's hardly any food in the house. I don’t do the grocery shopping like I used to any more. It’s typically just me at home in the house most of the time. Keith is at work ridiculously long hours Monday through Friday, and then sometimes even on Saturday, especially right now that he's acting first sergeant of his company while his first sergeant is off at first sergeant school. So, my line of thinking is why do we need that much food in the house … [Read more...]
Pictures…
Today I sit here thinking about my wonderful husband. He's been my rock through all of this. He's been the one to help get me through. Keith has been my everything and I'm sure he will continue to be for many years to come. Today has been a good day for me. I haven't cried and I haven't felt as sad as I normally am. This is a good thing. The two paragraphs above were written yesterday. Pictures. All of a sudden I'm sitting here thinking about pictures. I started to think about them … [Read more...]
“Held”…
I typically sit in my house during the day by myself, with no TV on or a radio playing in the background. It's just quiet (other than my puppy and kitty playing). But today I decided to open Windows Media Center and play some of my songs. Then I got to thinking about Natalie Grant's song. My cousin Tracey had sent me her CD Awaken about two months after Mari had died and the song "Held" struck me right to the heart. These are the words, and to hear the song is even more powerful. I just thought … [Read more...]
