Life has a funny way of dictating the path it wants to take you on whether you want to go that way or not.
I guess you could say I’ve had my fair share of bumps, bruise, and downright avalanches in my lifetime. You never really know which way your life will go. You just have to follow the road before you and when a fork comes your way, choose the path and take it forward without looking back as there isn’t a way to change anything anyway.
Tonight I sat here play on Facebook a couple of games I’ve gotten into recently. I’d been so glad I had gotten away from them all when I was drawn back in recently. As I sat here doing the different things in my games, I received a message from a friend I’ve known since second grade. We both were born in August. Me the second and she on the thirteenth. We were both held back in a grade. We lived right next to each other. Our mothers were best friends to the point where our front doors more felt like revolving doors.
When I went to click on the message from her I was expecting a type of “let’s catch up” message to find out how things had been going. But instead, here is what she wrote, “FYI Stephanie died this morning, my older sister.”
My response was simply, “WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
At first shock sunk in and then the tears came forth like the rapids of grief. No, this is not the same loss as my daughter but it’s still a loss. She leaves behind a husband and four children. I believe her oldest is 18 years old.
I will miss her so much. I went looking through Facebook to see what my last conversation was with here and here is what she wrote, “HELLO DID YOU READ MY POST WITH THE PIC OF ME IN IT.” I told her no at first but then later I went and looked and here is what I said, “I just read it.” And that was it. That was the extent of our conversation.
I think we all have regrets of some kind in our lives. Some small, some big and some are somewhere in between. My regret is that I didn’t talk to her more often. I think we all do that. It’s the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” syndrome. I understand that this is not a real syndrome but we all do it.
We are all such busy people living our own hectic lives. We can’t live in the past wishing we could change anything as the past is just that, it’s in the past. It’s our own history. No two people’s history is the same. I mean, you can have similar lives but it’s just like someone fingerprints. Each and every person living on the, those who have died, and those yet to be born all have a different fingerprint. I mean think about that for one second. Who else but God could do something like that. It’s not by chance or some evolutionary phenomenon. It is the divine power of our one and only Heavenly Father. The same Father that is watching over my beloved angel right now.
Stephanie’s death has brought back to the surface some of the feelings for the grief of losing my precious daughter. But that is okay. It is in this way that we not only remember Stephanie but I continue to remember and live each day remembering that we never know when each day might be our last. I know that when the day God calls me to come to heaven will be magnificent. But in the meantime I really hope and pray I do all I can to live the way He wants me to.