It seems as though time continues to trek on. Time is a never-ending cycle of both grief and happiness all rolled into one.
A little over a year ago I lost the one thing most precious to me and that was my baby girl, Mariana. Mari is always thought about and missed. For anyone who was fortunate enough to meet her their lives were forever imprinted and changed to have known her. She had such a special spirit about her. She had an infectious laugh where sometimes she would just start laughing and you had no clue what was so funny. Whatever was playing in her mind, it must have been a duzzie.
I can honestly say that, no, I haven’t gotten over the loss of my daughter. I probably never will. However, the pain is not so acute. Most of my days are no longer filled with tears and sadness. The hospital stay isn’t what’s forefront on my mind. But those days still come.
Like two days ago I was looking for pictures to post on Facebook and I happen to run into the pictures I took of her while she was in the hospital. To know she is gone still hurts so much but I guess that is what time is truly for. No, IT DOES NOT HEAL ANYTHING. However, time does become what you need because as time continues to go by the pain will become less and less.
When it first happens you almost can’t breathe. You can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel and you feel utterly hopeless. But whether you like it or not time continues to trek on and you have gone through your first year without your precious child. Time has given you what you thought was not possible: Some happiness back and the ability to be able to move on with your life (even though you may not want to as you’ll always want your child back).
I miss you baby girl and mommy loves you so very much.