I sit here in my comfy cozy recliner at about 1am. I sit here thinking about Mari and knowing that when I wake up in the morning it is Mother’s Day. I have dreaded it all week. All it does for me know is remind me that I am a mom without her child on this earth any longer. I feel childless.
I dread going to church tomorrow morning because all they will do there is wish all the mother’s a Happy Mother’s Day. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think it is an important day. However, it will never be the same for me. It is just a constant reminder that while I am a mother I am one that remembers her child for who she was but now is in heaven.
I just feel like crying. I have done pretty good so far with the tear and I have not had a sob fest in a while. I think the last time I sobbingly cried was at the women’s retreat I went to in March. I know when I cry it helps to temporarily release some of the sadness.
After a good cry, I can quickly clean my face up and you can’t really tell I had been crying. I guess I am fortunate that way as I know many women if they shed any tears at all their faces looks like they have for quite some time. In a way I feel blessed I have it this way so that I can cry in private and once I am done not have everyone asking me if I am ok.