Today is the start of a new day. It’s a day I have not had to do in many years (eight, almost nine, years to be precise). It’s a day I have not been ready for before now. In the past it would have been a day I dreaded but now I am really looking forward to it. It’s a day where I take the first step, of what I am sure are going to be many, in getting a job on post (Fort Knox).
Before Mari died, as most of you know by now I was a stay at home mom taking caring of our one and only child. She had severe autism which made it almost impossible to get a job outside the home as daycares will not take autistic children (or at least that was my experience). So my only job in life was to be a stay at home mom taking care of our beautiful daughter and being a housewife taking care of our home. I loved doing this and would have never changed it for anything in the world. My life was my family and my family was my life. It’s a beautiful thing. :-bd
Then in what seemed like a split second, my life was turned upside down (along with many others) when she suddenly got sick and just two weeks later passed away (to read what happened, click here: Her Hospital Story). What am I supposed to do with myself now? My entire life centered around this one little girl who was the pride and joy of my life. Getting a job is now completely foreign to me as I have not held one outside the home since January 2002. I was laid off in a second set of layoffs due to September 11th. I think that day has impacted every person in some way or another.
So it has almost been nine years since I last held a job outside the home. Until now, I was not ready for it. I mean, it’s kind of like a catch 22. If you tell your potential new boss that you have recently had a child pass away, they probably won’t hire you because they will think you might not be stable enough or too emotional. If you don’t tell him/her and you have a bad day, now you can’t tell him/her why as you were not honest with him/her to begin with. Besides, if I am being totally honest with myself, I just don’t think I was emotionally or mentally ready to.
I decided to go back to school instead. I was only four classes away from obtaining my Associate’s Degree in Business/Accounting. I have been going on and off to school since 95 due to different things that life throws in ones way. I figured I might as well attempt to accomplish this as I was so close to finally obtaining a degree of some kind.
I ended up taking two classes in the Fall of 08 and three (one was an elective I decided to take on my own) in the Spring of 09. I graduated last spring. It felt so good to be able to accomplish this. I did it with having a hard time concentrating and having my bad days (which of course are to be expected, let alone the first year after). These are just some of the signs of grief and it feels like I went through everyone last one of them in the past two years.
In the past year I was still not ready to find a job. I did other things instead. I ran a business from my home starting last September until around this February time frame when Keith finally received his orders for Fort Knox, Kentucy. What I found out during this time is that being by myself all alone at home was really not a good thing for me. There are just too many times I ended up having bad days and feeling so incredibly lonely.
Keith and I started talking about me getting a job once we moved to Kentucky to get me out of the house as we both thought this would be a good thing for me. This would enable me to be around other people instead of just being by myself.
So I am finally to that point I am ready to get a job. I know I will still have my bad days but I think I can handle them a whole lot easier now than I could have just two years ago or even one year ago.
So, let me ask you guys what you think? I would love to hear your comments and what you have to say. Looking forward to hearing from all of you.
Mommy’s Angel In Heaven