This week I have a two part series for The Journey. Today is part two of The Journey with Paula Moldenhauer. Please welcome her as she answers the question: How have you seen God work in your writing journey? (Click here to read part 1 with Kathleen Kovach from yesterday)
Sometimes Trusting Means Not Writing
By Paula Moldenhauer
It’s the first time my fingers have touched my computer keyboard in many days. I’m taking a chance typing this, hoping it won’t trigger another round of symptoms. The doctors say it is a concussion and maybe a little PTSD mixed in. All I know is that if I’m at the computer for long my head feels like it is swelling. If I keep pushing through I feel dizzy, feverish, and sometimes even nauseous.
After ten years of working toward that elusive fiction contract I rejoiced in receiving it last September at the ACFW national conference in front of the whole crowd in the opening ceremonies. That novella, You’re a Charmer, Mr. Grinch, releases next month in the collection, Postmark Christmas http://tinyurl.com/amazon-postmark-christmas. Last April Kathy and I released Titanic: Legacy of Betrayal http://tinyurl.com/amazon-titanic-legacy-of-betra. Soon after my new website www.paulamoldenhauer.com launched. My non-fiction book proposal was scheduled to go to committee last spring—if I could make a few minor changes.
Which I never made. After the second car wreck in two months I found it hard to concentrate, to organize my thoughts, to shape good writing.
And so here I sit. I thought after getting that first contract the Lord would release me to full steam ahead. Oh I had all kinds of plans. Stories started both on the screen and in my head. It was finally my turn to ride the wave of the first contract and sell my books.
Instead I’ve been benched.
I cry a little.
I go to too many doctors’ appointments and stare at the walls.
I drive my friends crazy with phone chats that last too long.
I lie in my bed and listen to audio books and watch dark tree limbs dance in the evening breeze as dusk becomes nightfall.
I ask, “What are you doing with me, Lord?”
I pray for healing.
At church I take communion. I tell the Lord I am His no matter what He does with me, no matter what road He asks me to walk.
I trust He has a plan that includes this side road I never wanted to take.
And I wait.
Sometimes in frustration, sometimes in expectation, most of the time just bored.
For years I taught that God can be trusted with the journey of our lives. I’ve said to new writers, “you can trust God with your writing journey.” I’ve lived that out in rejection letters and unexpected writing jobs—publishing over 300 non-fiction pieces, something I never planned to do. I’ve walked it in hours of pounding keys with words that have not yet been read by even small masses.
And now I sit it out. I trust. I still believe what the Lord told me, what I have told countless other writers: God will lead me on the best pathway for my life. He will advise me and watch over me. (Psalm 32:8)
Author, speaker, and mom of four, Paula Moldenhauer has published over 300 times. Her first two novels release in 2012. She serves as Colorado Coordinator for the American Christian Fiction Writers and homeschools. Paula loves peppermint ice cream and walking barefoot. Her greatest desire is to be close enough to Jesus to breathe His fragrance. Visit www.paulamoldenhauer.com for devotionals, parenting articles and book info.