Please welcome this week’s guest Jaime Wright for The Journey. She answers the question: How have you seen God work in your writing journey?
I quit writing for two years. Those were the months I agonized as I lost three babies, underwent three surgeries, and spent weeks with nails bit to the quick wondering if my current pregnancy would last to fruition. My fourth pregnancy landed me in the ER with a pre-confirmed miscarriage only to result in a miraculous heartbeat that went on to be an early delivery, a NICU visit, and finally became my daughter. Is there little wonder I quit writing?
But out of that storm came something very unexpected. Aside from grief, anguish, and a continued sense of loss that fills me in the dark of night as I tuck my little girl into bed and wonder if God is planting ni-nite kisses on my other ones, came a sense of realism. Grief is real life. Loss is real. Anxiety. Horror. That tearing of the maternal bond to one’s child. And the reverse. That sense of abandonment a child feels at the loss of a parent.
You see, I was abandoned. So to speak. I was left at the hospital and given into foster care. Although God saw fit to find me a precious family when I was only two weeks old, the moment the doctors wheeled my newborn, preemie baby girl away from me, I screamed. I screamed in anger. HOW could my birth mother abandon me. If my husband hadn’t been there to follow them out, if my mother hadn’t been there to hold me, I would have ripped every IV needle from my arms and raged after the doctors to take me too. Nothing would separate me from my baby girl.
And yet, it wasn’t in my control. Realism. Nothing is in my control. God sees fit to place us in circumstances where we must surrender our all. And trust me, my daughter, my babies, were my all, more than my own heartbeat.
And two years later, when my preemie son was born, everything came full circle. In the form of postpartum depression and the night I planned out what to pack, how to hustle my newborn away at 3AM and how to arrive at the hospital where I would leave him. Abandoned. Because I didn’t want him. At all. Only the image of my husband’s pain at such a thing, kept my feet planted in the nursery. The next day, when I begged my sister-in-law to take my son, I was exposed. I had become my birth mother. Born out of pain, walked through grief, and casting away the very child that could bring me the most joy.
To this day, I’m unsure how God will manifest all of this in my writing journey. But, having experienced the extremes of abandonment, fierce protection, fighting instincts, agony of death, it seems I have found a way to reach into the dark places of my characters. Those places happy novels are afraid to go. Those places life makes us go. Those places God walks us through.
They are called the valleys of the shadow of death. Every character in every great book I’ve read, walks through them. The reader can feel the valley. Taste it even. Cry the tears of the hero/heroine and break in the humbling moments when the only words that can be written on the page are the very whispered breath of God … Be still and know that I am.
Above all other gods.
Nothing is accidental.
You are not I am. You are humbled. You are my child. I will fight for you, I will carry you, and in the end, I will rejoice over you.
God has taken me on a journey I never wanted to walk. But God has deepened my writing—God has deepened me because of it.
In this I will rejoice.
Professional coffee drinker Jaime Wright resides in the hills of Wisconsin writing spirited and gritty turn-of-the-century romance stained with suspense. Her day job finds her a Director of Associate Sales, Development & Relations. She’s wife to a rock climbing, bow-hunting youth pastor, mom to a coffee-drinking little girl and a Sippy cup-drinking baby boy, and completes her persona by being an admitted Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Blogspot junkie.
Jaime is a member of ACFW, enjoys mentorship from a best-selling author, and has the best critique partners EVER! (Yes, that’s an exclamation point.) She was a semifinalist in ACFW’s 2013 Genesis contest and that alone encouraged excessive celebration over extra espresso with hazelnut syrup.
In her “down time”, Jaime reads voraciously, socializes incessantly, drinks coffee addictively, and overuses “-ly” words excessively.
Jaime can found at: http://www.jaimewrightbooks.com. She is also very active on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/jaimewrightbooks. Her blog is updated daily with posts resembling hanging out at a coffeehouse http://coffeecupsandcamisoles.blogspot.com . Come on by and say “hi”!